REAL on REEL

Changes

2009-06-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

Had a phone meeting with winner, Tom, today about how we are going to translate his blog into film. We have some ideas but as there are so many possibilities we're not even close to a decision yet. However, I am leaning towards doing a series of webisodes - probably about 5 minutes each, that capture the essence of his blogs. What do you think?

Also, I decided that there are so many other aspects of my life I want to talk about that I really don't want to do here, so I have started a new blog. If you're inclined, check it out: http://sutapants.blogspot.com/ On it, I hope to keep everyone updated on my new feature film project, Ekstasis, my new novel, The Rain Queen, I am about to publish through Amazon.com, the Chocolate Mojo movie, and the occasional rant.

goodnight!

WINNERS!

2009-06-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

So am very excited we finally announced our big winner - Tom Trevino, of the Chocolate Mojo Blog!!! Congrats to Tom! He is a phenomenal writer and we are extremely happy he is wanting to be involved with the production of the film, although we don't know yet in which direction that will go. So keep an eye out for updates and all that.

It's been a crazy couple of months and obviously I haven't blogged in a while. I know the delay in announcing was kind of a pain in the butt, but to be quite honest the economic "crisis" has caught up with us, and we're working on regaining our footing. We will move forward but probably in baby steps for the time being. Hopefully we will be out of this slump shortly. :::fingers & toes crossed::: I guess only time will tell. More to say, certainly, but it's late. Will try to write again later this week.

Cheers everybody (especially Tom!)

Fun w/ Light

2009-03-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

Last week, Josh and a friend of ours went out and messed around with Light Graffiti. I just absolutely love it! This is my favorite out of all the ones we did. Do you see the flower on the bottom.. that's me, well my hand, holding the flower. I want to do a huge light landscape of all sorts of objects, ala Cy Twombly, where you keep finding new objects in all the chaos. I love it, maybe because that's what life feels like to me.

Luminaria

2009-03-16T13:16:00.000-07:00

Aside from hitting dead stop traffic and having to maneuver my way around downtown to park at the alamodome then hoof it up and down 3 flights of stairs, under a freeway and over a fence to get to my screening of "Ennis Does Southtown," the Luminaria Arts Walk in San Antonio was awesome! A lot of people made it out and no audio problems during the screening, whoohoo!. The cool lighting and the music and art was really exceptional and it makes me very proud of my fellow San Antonians. Where are all these people hiding the rest of the year?! I want to know.

A couple more weeks left until we find out who wins the 1st Season of the Blog4Reel Competition... can't wait! After that, we'll be working on the site (behind the scenes) to add the new features.

Life has been hectic these last few weeks. My car broke down on the freeway and after having it looked at twice and towed by a neanderthal who threatened to impound my car cause I wouldn't give him money that I didn't even owe him, discovered my car was unrevivable for less than 2 grand (Btw, never use Aaron's Towing). WTF?! So now I have a new Scion XB and I love it! It's nice to not hear the whistle of the wind (I had a convertible) and it's nice to feel safe and secure on the road too. So all good things in the end, eh?

Inspiration for the Uninspired

2009-02-26T13:01:00.000-08:00

Enough of this depressing bulsh, I think it's time for another deep thought by Jack Handey. I still haven't come up with a good one on my own, and I thought it would be easy!

"I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit in the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain."

thoughts

2009-02-24T21:15:00.001-08:00

How is it possible that people can get so screwed up that they stop seeing, they stop seeking, they stop believing there is relief, much less hope, much less joy?

To me, my whole life, even when I was half dreaming half awake I always knew there was something better. I always knew there was something beautiful that existed, even when I couldn’t see it. Something simple, like a sunset, or the smell of jasmine on the wind would remind me. Nature always speaks the truth.

How does someone stay in an abusive relationship for years upon years upon years and convince themselves that’s their obligation to god? What kind of god wants someone to live in constant fear? How do you tell this person that there’s another way? That they don’t have to suffer to be good? And what kind of fu**ed up culture creates thousands, maybe million, of people who believe exactly that same way?

Well not me.

But I can’t share if you won’t listen.

And you can’t learn if you don’t hear.

But eventually the burden will be too great to bear.

And that is a good thing.

The day you can’t keep your eyes shut any longer.
I hope I'm there to see it and Celebrate!

Ant on an Apple, Part II

2009-02-22T21:15:00.000-08:00

Rushing & Worrying is completely pointless, I realized clearly tonight, because there's nowhere to be but here. So take your time and enjoy it, make the best out of it, expect the best out of it. Trust yourself and the thing you're in. It couldn't hurt just to try it, right? See if it works?

And might as well enjoy it cause this is the only moment exactly like this one. Enjoy who you are, what you've learned, what you dreamed so far; and enjoy the one's you're with, the ones you taught, the ones you learned from, even if you hated them at the time.

I talked with my favorite auntie on the phone over the weekend. She sent me a condolence card about gpa passing and honestly it made me feel more emotion than I did when hearing gpa died. Maybe something's wrong with me or maybe I really don't believe in death anymore or maybe it just feels much better to feel the love from my aunt.

We talked about the economic situation, I mean I guess that's what all republicans and probably most democrats are talking about right now. I suppose it's hard not to worry as you watch your retirement slip away. Maybe I've lived without healthcare (insurance) too long, I'm used to the risk. I live on the edge. :) But I also think that although things are crazy fubared at the moment, I really believe things are gonna be okay, maybe better than okay, maybe really great - a place with clean air and calorie-less Twinkies made out of spelt. I guess it couldn't hurt to hope.

Magical Car

2009-02-19T13:11:00.000-08:00

Everything will be just fine once you learn to enjoy the ride!

Ant on an Apple

2009-02-13T22:44:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just stop and contemplate the fact that we're standing on a rock spinning a 1,000 miles per hour and revolving around a burning star at about (or so I read) 67,000 miles per hour, and we can't even feel it? That's what it must be like to be an ant on an apple. In those moments, just for a flash, sometimes I think you can. And not necessarily on mushrooms or vicodin. (that's just an off-color joke for any Christian Conservative reading my blog, I mean dad) :) luv ya!

Sad Bears

2009-02-10T20:25:00.001-08:00

Ran across this photo tonight and felt compelled to post it. It's been a strange week or so... actually a strange new year altogether. My cousin, who is more like a sister to me, almost bleed to death in the process of delivering her baby. After much stress and drama and FUBARity on the part of the hospital, she and baby Lukas are now fine and recuperating. My Gpa passed away last week. I was actually at peace with that; it was my estranged father calling me and leaving this bizarre message that freaked me out. Not bad, it was sweet actually, just totally and completely unexpected. I reacted from a place of fear about him coming back into my life and hurting me again. Took me about a week to regain my footing and look at it from a different perspective. I had to realize that I am not the same vulnerable little girl. I am a strong woman and nobody can hurt me unless I allow it. Why is parent stuff so complicated?! I know, I know.. they are our first Gods, bigger than Zeus and Poseidon. Anyway, I'm feeling much more open and compassionate towards him but I also have to be very aware of my boundaries. Ain't nobody gonna mess w/ this Biatch! :)

Surprisingly I've been handling everything really pretty well. I've been listening to a cd by Ester and Jerry Hicks on the "Astonishing Power of Emotions" and I have to say it's been helping a lot. Every time I start to feel stressed or negative I just "pick up my oars" and stop fighting to get upstream. As they say, everything we want is always downstream. If you're feeling anything that isn't good, then you're moving against your own natural flow. So why do we always struggle to go against the current? Habit, I guess. I don't know about you, but life is too precious to fill it with any kind of angst.

One of the recent highlights was meeting the man who I think is going to play Ekstasis in my upcoming play & film, Ekstasis. His name is Ukwanni and he embodies Ekstasis in a way I had never imagined. That's the beauty of the creative force - it brings you that which you didn't even realize you needed.

The Semi-Finalists Voting for Blog4Reel is going strong! And I'm super excited to see we're getting new bloggers (and I have no idea where they're coming from, which is great). Great things ahead!

Sleep well, sad bears.

Time 4 Another Deep Thought by Jack Handey

2009-01-27T13:54:00.000-08:00

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."

Are you people drunk? :)

I think I'm going to try to come up with my own deep thoughts. I'll get back to you on that.

Revolutionary Life

2009-01-26T11:41:00.000-08:00

I saw Revolutionary Road over the weekend which left me feeling "empty and hopeless". I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. I enjoyed it, that much is true. I just don’t know if I care anymore to celebrate the ability of movies to make me feel bad. They must think it’s more difficult to do the opposite, I guess, not excluding butt-related jokes, but you can’t really make a whole movie around that, or at least you shouldn’t. At the very least, I guess, it reminded me that we can unstick ourselves from the ruts we get into and it's less about what we're doing than the frame of mind we're doing it in. Yars.

My new fav thing to watch is on Showtime, actually - "United States of Tara" with one of my favorite TV crushes from Sex and the City, John Corbett, and the always fabulous Toni Collette. It’s really clever and interesting and Collette perfectly pulls off the various different personalities she portrays. Oh, guess I should have mentioned, if u haven’t seen it, that it’s about a woman who has Multiple Personality Disorder, although on the show I learned it’s now classified as DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), so see fascist anti-television groups out there, TV is educational. And sometimes, delightfully, funny. I’m going to have to check in with our equally fabulous Blog4Reel judge, Kris Lawrence who moonlights as a TV critic and find out if he approves. I usually get all of my TV recs from him. His column is awesome. Check them out if you get a chance:

http://www.lvrj.com/columnists/Christopher_Lawrence.html

Oh and if you want to see the most charming music video (shot in stop-motion), check this out. The song, by Oren Lavie, is also really beautiful:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_HXUhShhmY

New Beginnings... although isn't every beginning new? Hmm..

2009-01-16T12:39:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, Bitches!.. um... I mean Bloggers! I can't believe it's '09. Can you? I hope y'all had a beautiful Christmas and New Year. The holidays were VERY relaxing. I can't say I accomplished much. I had intended to work on all these projects, but no, no... that did not happen. But, I'm fine with that. I think that sometimes we Do Do Do so much and we just need to try BE-ING for a while. I made the picture shown above with my friend and fellow blogger, Susan Seydler. I'm completely enchanted with the "light" pics. I have some others I'll try to post later.

Blog4Reel is getting ready to move into the second round of voting here in a couple weeks and I can't wait to see who the top ten are going to be! For more information on specific dates, be sure to check out #7 in our FAQ's:
http://www.blog4reel.com/faq.asp

I'm also happy to announce that we have finally found the perfect web designer for the site, Mark Fergason. This guy is, and I'm being modest, a genius. He knows his ASP coding, which is what the site's designed in. He's also, and this is unusual, a normal guy. :) Most coders have a hard time communicating with laypeople like myself. Not so with Mark. He's not your typical geek. In fact, he doesn't even like your typical geek things like video games and Star Trek, Star Wars and every other film that has the word or an actual "star" in it. It's weird. But good for Blog4Reel. He's already working on adding some new and awesome features and we'll soon be expanding to include other blogs, blogs that aren't really designed for the competition, to the site. We will become a Haven for all Blogs! WHA HA HA HA! Sorry, I got a little over-excited there. :)

This year is going to be a great year, I just know it. My first goal is to get psychotically organized. Yes, me. Organized. It can happen, and it will! First order of business is a new filing cabinet. Whoohoo! Also planning on taking a belly dancing class... which should be fun. Casting for Ekstasis is going pretty well.. have been getting some pretty good responses there. Hopefully I'll find the perfect people for it. I'm sure I will. And finally, our new video, "Ennis Does Halloween" is almost done. Y'all are gonna love it! Or else. Whaahahahahaha......... I think I've drunk too much of Madhatter's (http://www.madhatterstea.com/)hot cocoa today...........

Washington in Texas

2008-12-18T14:55:00.001-08:00

Is it just me or is anyone else having trouble being productive the past few days? Probably doesn't help that it's gray, foggy, cold - a typical Longview WA day.... only I'm in Texas. I can usually handle one or two days but after that I just want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep, like a hibernating bear.

I did however manage to finish the script last week. Yay, me! It's a rough but so far the feedback's been good, even though it looks like we'll be tweaking it quite a bit.

Also sent out the press release finally, announcing Christopher Lawrence, the national award winning tv critic for the Las Vegas Review Journal, as our newest Blog4Reel judge. He's a super cool cat and we're lucky to have him on board. Check out his column, if you get a chance.. good tv recommends if you like tv and even if you don't, they're totally entertaining:

http://www.lvrj.com/columnists/Christopher_Lawrence.html

Christmas shopping = done. Well, mostly. I have maybe one, maybe two, more things to get and then I have to make the dreaded stop at the post office. Boo.

So, because I'm crazy I guess, I've decided I'm going to put on a play. Although I haven't had anything to do with theatre since H.S. drama, I think one of my film scripts, Ekstasis, will translate very nicely onto the stage. I've already started posting for a casting call.

If you want to see a cool little music video/experimental film by some amazing artists I know, check this out:

http://www.vimeo.com/2542236

Um, well... that's all.. time to go roll up in a ball and go to sleep.

Merry Christmas to all and to all Bloggers a goodnight!

Blog4Reel and I love you!

December

2008-12-05T12:22:00.000-08:00

Usually the holidays are crazy psychotically busy but this year, not for me. The past several months have been insane with shoots and parties and promotions all centered around blog4reel/vlog4reel and now, even with the holidays, I feel like I'm just sort of coasting along a calm cool breeze. Kind of nice, really. I mean I'm usually one for frenetic energy, but I'm very much appreciating a break from it all. I'm even enjoying the holidays for a change. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun - of course Olympian-like Scattergories battles till 2 in the morning are awesome and the fam seemed in good spirits, except for Gma who was up to her usual antics of driving everyone bizonkers. Even the poor unfortunate neighbor-girl who came by to borrow a potato masher got stuck listening to Gma's 30-minute diatribe on her recent hospital visit and the "streaks of pain" which she no-doubt segwayed into her "vomiting fountains of blood" story about when she had an anyurisym burst several decades ago. Gma likes to reminisce about the good times. :)

We're still having some technical issues with the site, but I think they're being worked out. God, I wish I understood how to program but at the same time I don't. I'd be a whole other human if I did, I suppose. I guess I'm thankful I have more of a creative than a technical mind but still it would be useful.

I guess I really don't have much to blog about which I know is kind of lame. I'm excited to see some new bloggers on the site! It's fun to check 'em out and see what they're all about. We're still looking to add some new features on the site but may not be done until next "season". We'll have to wait and see.

I am really enjoying working on the terrorist script though. Writing is always such an interesting experience because no matter how much preparation I do on a story or character, they always take me to places I wouldn't expect. It's like meeting a new friend and getting to know them, it's just a lot of fun.

Well that's it for my boring post....

Hope you're enjoying the season!

Let Them Sleep. . .

2008-11-25T11:54:00.000-08:00

"Those who don't feel this Love pulling
them like a river, those who don't drink dawn like a cup of spring water or take
in sunset like a supper, those who don't want to change, let them sleep."

- Rumi.

Muslim FBI Guy

2008-11-21T14:29:00.000-08:00

So I think I mentioned in a previous post that I've been asked to help write a script about a suicide bomber. So Joe set up a meeting with some undercover FBI Agents. So cool; Way cool. I mean the thing that I love about writing, well, I think Anais Nin said it best, "we write to taste life twice." Putting yourself into a character, real or imagined, that is so very different from you and your own experiences is quite a thrill, it's my on personal duby.

So we met with these guys last week. I won't mention any names, of course, but one of them is the first Muslim FBI Undercover Agent and what an amazing man. I mean you wouldn't pick him out of a crowd as being anything unique or unusual or dangerous - being that he was an average-looking, middle-aged man with the requisite ponch, but talking to him was like being hypnotized or sucked into some kind of Muslim vortex. He was fascinating, with his dark intense eyes and melodic accent. We talked for maybe three hours about the history of Islam and terrorist motivations and of course political tangents. In fact, they told us the gov't did find WMD's in Iraq. Really? Evidently it's not widely known because of the liberal (god bless them) press. We talked about Bush's real motivation for going to war - revenge against Saddam for his assassination attempt on Papa Bush when he was in Kuwait. What?! I wasn't much into politics back then so I didn't know about the incident but I've heard a lot of speculation about Bush Jr.'s motivation for going to war and I've never heard that.

To top it off, I didn't know that Muslims actually believe in J.C. - although instead of believing he's the son of god, they believe he's just another prophet like their own, Muhammad. "Peace Be Upon Him," our informant said. Interesting. I did not know that, of course, I really knew very little about their religion. I tried to take religious studies in college but it was full... so I got stuck in Black Studies, which wasn't a bad thing... that's where I met my pillaresque basketball buddies - Iceman (because he's cold as ice. yes, he actually said this) and ... I can't remember the other one's name... oh wait, Kemo. And I did have a friend from Oman in college but we never talked about religion.

Anyway, it was an eye-opener, the entire experience. The script is going to be exponentially better because of their contribution. Thanks FBI Guys! You have served your country well!

Back to Basics

2008-11-20T14:22:00.000-08:00

So I've decided to get back to the grassroots of blog4reel... enough of chasing celebrities and glossy mags. I realized I was spreading myself too thin lately, which is not easy to do when you're a chubby chick. What's important here are the blogs and the stories... the rest will come, as Kevin Costner knew before his career 'danced w/ sharks'. I don't know if that makes sense or if it's funny. Chalk it up to verbal experimentation.

To be honest, it's a relief. I think I've been so focused on the need for success that I've been stressing myself out about everything. Not only am I not having fun, I'm getting in my own way of attracting what I want because I'm surrounded by a big ball of negativity (i.e. stress). I noticed the other day how angry I was when I cussed out the slow-going, blue-haired driver in front of me in a string of expletives that would have embarrassed, um, someone who cusses a whole hell of a lot. Can't think of anyone at the moment. Was going to say Hitler - but although he was a genocidal killer, he may have had lovely manners. Who knows.

So obviously I was projecting and have some pent up emotion so my goal right now is to do everything with ease and joy... no matter what it is. And you know, it's really silly to get worked up about anything... when ultimately who we are in the now is ok, is loved and lovable, and worthy and all that, no matter what we do or don't do in our lives. We're the one's judging and comparing ourselves. If we all stopped doing it, maybe others would too, so I'm getting off the wheel. Americans are crazy. We are. Achieve and Acquire, that's all we care about. Well I'm over it. And the first step to changing that is admitting it! So what next? Find bloggers. And then I'm taking a page from my gamer bf's book and going home and Raiding some Tombs as every man/woman's fantasy, Lara Croft.

I realized I forgot to mention the wonderful person I met last week at the Adalente Film Forum in San Antonio - Chachi Senior with City Lights Media Group. He's a super clever individual with a lot of experience in web development. He took a liking to Blog4Reel and offered to help out if he could. Who knows where it will lead but he was a pleasure to talk to. It made me hyper-aware of what I'm missing out on in San Antonio. I love this city but let's face it.. those of you who live here know what I'm talking about.. when it comes to being serious about film, SA is not the place to be, but still.. I have hope! On a side note, I pitched my brilliant new vampire script premise to him and he seemed to quite like it. I still can't believe I told him! You'll understand what I mean by that someday.

Runaway Trains

2008-11-12T20:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you wonder how life just got so off track. But perhaps it's on track, right on time, just not the time you wanted, the time you expected. Whoever thought I would end up in Texas - land of armadillos, cactus, and cowboys? Whoever thought my delicate Washington skin would be sweltering in 100-degree heat all summer long. Not me. Definitely not me. Yet here I am. A million roads not taken, why this one? Is it anything special or is just day to day to day. Morning Noon Night. Sleep then Wake then Sleep. Although insomnia makes that one a bit difficult. My 87-year-old gma got rushed to the emergency room last night. I wondered if it was the end. There's no doubt she wishes it was. But they found nothing wrong. Which is good for us that love her but not so good for her, I think. She's ready to move on, has been for years, probably since my grandpa died b4 I was born. But she's cursed to be strong as an ox. I have this ability to put myself in other people's skin and her skin scares me. It scares me because I don't want to get to a point where my life does not bring me joy and it seems I laugh less lately. This is no one's fault of course. It's mine. I try so hard; I stress too much and time passes and what of it? I believe the only purpose of life is to be joyful, but I am surely not practicing what I preach. And I think that needs to change. But how do you stop a runaway train? How do you jump tracks mid-stream?

I guess it's time I put my neon-pink labcoat on and get to work. I will figure this out although I think the most important thing for me to do right now is just stop. Stop and Breathe. Maybe it's just time to trust that everything's going to be okay; I don't have to control it all. I've never really done that.

If you wanna bake your noodle, check out this article sent to me by the Wonderful Tyler Rutherford (Blog4Reel's Lawyer) on time/space and the holographic universe. It goes to show you that anything really is possible and that is a very encouraging thought:

http://www.nature.com/news/2008/081110/full/news.2008.1217.html?s=news_rss

YAY!

2008-11-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

Apples, Islam & Elections!

2008-11-04T14:32:00.000-08:00

Well, it's finally here - the big election day for the States. I can't say it's been that exciting of a day for me but I'm very much looking forward to the results, as is the whole world, so it seems. I was just reading an article about world politics and how many nations are in support of Obama. If he wins, Kampala, for example, plans to march the streets in celebration and have a big party that lasts the whole night through. What can I say, we don't march in San Antonio, we eat enchiladas. We celebrate with saturated fats. That's our homage. But it won't be mine, unfortunately. I will be celebrating with lots and lots of apples and then maybe top that off with some deelish organic applesauce with cinnamon. No, I'm not crazy. I'm just on a ridiculous apple cleanse for the next three days. Blame Susan Seydler and Edgar Cayce.

I met with Joe, the actor from The Theory of Everything film, over the weekend. He's asked me to assist him in writing a short script he's wanting to produce.. I won't reveal too much except for that some of the characters are Muslim so I'm getting to research the Islamic beliefs, which is interesting, and frankly not that dissimilar from Christian origin, I think, but that's at first glance. I'll let you know what I discover.

So, I suppose you may be wondering what's going on with the sites. I've been busy looking for a web developer who can really take us to the next level. If you're out there, contact me at info@blog4reel.com. I strongly believe the universe will bring the right person to us. In fact, I'm talking to two gentleman who seem pretty interested and talented, so am very excited about that.

Also started sending out information on the competitions to colleges. The students are where it's at - creative, open minds... interesting lives and not afraid to tell it like it is. Where are all the vloggers? I hope vlog4reel is not ahead of its time. No matter. We will wait.

In good news, The Jade Channel's "Ennis Does Southtown" film won Best Comedy at the Sequin Film Festival recently. We're very excited about it. Ennis is going worldwide soon. Watch! We just shot our next episode, "Ennis Does Halloween" at Miss Alexis Meridian's Masquerade Ball in San Antonio which raised money for the SA AIDS Foundation and the Douglas Carter Scholarship Fund. It was an amazing experience. This pic is just a taste!

Vlog4Reel Launch Party Pics

2008-10-22T12:36:00.001-07:00

ALL PICTURES COURTESY OF CHRIS SAUCEDO @ www.sauceyimages.com

ME, JADE ESTEBAN ESTRADA & NIKKI W/ PRIMA DONNA PRODUCTIONS

JADE ESTEBAN ESTRADA & ME

DJ REFRIED in BLUE

PAPA DEAN'S POPCORN

SAUCEY & MELISSA

MARI & JJ LOPEZ

SAUCEY & TURTLE

VICKY & KEN

JEREMY MARTIN & GF

AGOSTO SPINNING 45's

SUSAN & TOM

ME, JADE, AGOSTO & MARI

AGOSTO, MARI & I

SAUCEY HORDING THE CHIPOTLE

GMA, ME, JADE, AGOSTO, MARI & JJ LOPEZ

MARI LUVIN' ON THE PAPA DEAN'S CHILE LIMON

ME AND CATHERINE

AGOSTO & CATHERINE

Vlog4Reel Launch Party

2008-10-20T20:31:00.001-07:00

It was kind of like Christmas... all this work.. all this preparation and in 10 minutes all the wrapping is ripped off and lying on the floor in a heap of red and silver, some of the gifts are already broken or lost and grandma's in the bathroom throwing up cause she drank too much eggnog. whatever. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was worth it. It's always a learning experience - I did some things well and others not so well, but all in all it was a great event. It was a smaller crowd than I would have liked but a really good crowd, good people who were there to support us. Every one seemed to have a good time and if we create a little buzz for the site(s) then I've done my job. But hell, it is a lot of damn work putting a party like that together.

Regardless of my nerves, I even had a good time. Once 7:00 hit and everything was ready there wasn't too much for me to do but to do what I love best and that's chit chat with everybody. And so I did. It was a pleasure to see so many of my friends come out to support me and even my family. That meant a lot. Especially cause I don't think they understand most of the crazy shiz that I do. Even some new people came, people who were interested in what we were doing and some local industry people showed up - Jeremy Martin with the Current (and his super sweet gf, sorry I forgot your name), Nikki Young w/ Prima Donna Productions as well as Drew Mayer-Oakes, the director of the SA Film Commission. That was a nice surprise.

Of course Jade Esteban Estrada was there to present our short film, now featured on Vlog4Reel.com, "Ennis Does Southtown". We premiered at the McAllen Film Festival to a very appreciative audience and will be in the Seguin Film Festival this weekend (at 9:00 a.m.), so we're excited about the headway it's making. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. No surprise there since Jade is a supa-star! So thanks to everyone for your support!

Special thanks to our sponsors: Plan B, J.J. Lopez, Chipotle, Skyy Vodka (even if you were over an hour late), Papa Dean's Popcorn (delicious!), Mr. Notebook, D.J. Refried (aka Agosto Cuellar of jiverefried.com).

And special special thanks to my helpers: Mari Salinas, Frank Rodriguez, Susan Seydler, Christopher Simmons, My Bunny Joshua Simmons, Chris Harris, Tom Trevino, and Roxy (my dog).

And how could I forget my most wonderful biz partner, Catherine Nored. You know none of this would be if not for you!

Featured above is a pic of myself, Jade, Nikki and Drew, courtesy of the amazing (and thanks to you to) Chris Saucedo @ www.sauceypics.com. He's awesome, in spirit and skill so check him out, folksies. More pics to come. Luv to y'all!

For more info on Ennis @ Seguin: http://www.seguinfestival.org/2008/EnnisDoesSouthtown.aspx

You'd better be there bitches!

2008-10-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

Click on the image to make it bigger. We'll also be screening the short film, "Ennis Does Southtown" that evening featuring the extraordinary Jade Esteban Estrada! Not to be missed.

Celebrities

2008-09-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

The thing with celebrities is that of course we’re not friends with them but you do know them. It’s a bizarre dichotomy, and it’s no wonder the people who need a little rewiring upstairs talk to celebrities like they’re their mother’s sister’s son’s mother-in-law or something. The reality shows I watch, I watch them because I feel like I know these people, and I do. Not very well, of course. Kind of like co-workers where you get snippets of their life but don’t really know the whole story. Maybe you stop to look at a picture on their desk of them with their friends on vacation in Maui, the one they have in that ugly metal frame they got from Tuesday Morning (you know this because they left the yellow ‘half price’ sticker on it and you can see it poking out).
In any case, when you’ve watched someone like Lauren (yes, the Hills again) since high school - now a successful business woman who gets to date really hot guys, you’re kind of curious where their story goes, even though it’s not really very exciting. The drama is lame and by lame I mean what are any of us doing spending our lives life this – them fighting over wisps of condensation and me at home watching it. I’d rather be in Costa Rica flying down a zip-line in the middle of a cloud forest. But I’m not. Maybe I should start watching that show – the one about the 2 guys who live with an aboriginal tribe … somewhere exotic. My friend Turtle (no not the guy from that crappy Entourage show) watches it. I’ll find out the name, for myself, not for you, non-existent but still creepy and phantom like audience (and Mari).

I had another not so existential crisis today dealing with this issue. In my desperate and random search to find a ‘celebrity’ judge to up our appealability to “News To Me” executive producers, (I luv u guys! And Grayson, you are the coolest dude I know!), I have set my sites on Bill Maher. I waffled over whether I should address him as Bill or Mr. Maher or perhaps just Mr. Bill. Nothing felt quite right. Because again on some level I feel like I know this guy and yet he doesn't know me from adam/atom.

But Bill, if you're reading this, I must have you! You should know that I am not one of those crazy people (see above) but I am a great admirer of yours. I marvel at how candid you are and logical, funny, and just plain real. Yours is the only politically-oriented show that I watch. It’s the only one I feel I need to watch. So yeah I’m a fan but here’s the thing - I think that what we’re wanting to achieve at Blog4Reel is something you can appreciate because it’s about people having a voice and sharing that voice and fuckall. I love that. There’s something very freeing about really saying whatever pops into your head, like I’m doing now. And Bill you do it best, and eloquently so. Blog4Reel would be a perfect project for you, another outlet to reach the masses with your message of common sense, I promise.

Magritte Said It Best

2008-09-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

I just put this pic up on my Facebook. I got blocked from the ridiculous site for a week because I had a blog4reel poster up. And it's gotta be a personal one. So screw it. I know it's not very professional but then again, neither am I. I'm more about having fun and hector said it's a good pic. If you knew hector, that would make you proud. But I did want to specify, somewhere out here in cyberspace, that this is not a blunt. People who've seen the pic sometimes ask me that and it's not. But not in the same way as 'this is not a pipe'. No, not that cool at all. It's just a cuban cigar. I was in Mexico at the time, so it's legal. Just in case any feds are reading this. I think I've been watching Weeds too long. But man, that cuban was super strong. I'd never smoked a whole cigar before so that didn't help. I ended up taking stupid pictures of myself and this is one of them. Do I have a hawk nose? But hawks are clever, right?

My Dogders

2008-09-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

Epiphany. of the small sort. I just realized that I love blog4reel like a dogder. I won't say a child because I have no idea what that's like. No doubt it's freaky. Not that the child itself is freaky (I mean no insult to the little ones) but the idea of being responsible for another soul brings out my neurotic side. I break out in hives and want to vomit. I mean it's just such a daunting task, I can barely handle the stress of having a dog. Thus the dogder, that's what Josh calls her - our Dogder, which is doubly cute because she has this face she makes when she gets her upper lip caught on her teeth that we call her 'der face'. So anyway, that whole last sentence is exactly why I should never be a parent. I'd be the freaky over-protective, obsessive mom.
I had to take Roxy to the vet today to get her rabies shot so she can go get her teeth done next week because those damn inbred chihuahua genes are causing her to have bad teeth or small dogs just have week teeth, I don't know, but she's going to start going to the dentist more than I do from now on. And I'll do this not because I'm a crazy dog person (which sadly yes I've become) but because even the thought of causing another living creature a second's pain is verboten (I hope I spelled that right) to me. I cried on and off the entire day last wed when I happened to notice that she's already lost a tooth. And I don't usually cry. But I was disgusted with myself because I should know better. I do know better but I've kind of been putting it off because I've heard horror stories about the dangers of putting little dogs under, which they have to do. Anyway, I messed up but it's so hard to see them suffer. I made Josh stay with Roxy when she got her shot today; I'm such a wuss. Whatever. If you can stand that, you're a hardened criminal and probably just got out of the pen or you have a damaged frontal lobe. Either way...

I just realized today how much I truly love Blog4Reel, in the same unhealthy way that I love Roxy, which is sweet but more scary. I think I've blocked my attachment to it in case it fails but you know what... even if it ends up being the weird little kid in school that hides in the back of the class and makes elephants out of tinfoil, I'll still love it.

These blogs are making me I feel like I'm being psychoanaylized - by myself. Is that even possible?

Maybe it's just all these electromagnetic waves.... think maybe it's time to get off the computer.

fare
the
well

Randomnessosity

2008-09-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

I probably shouldn't admit this but I watch The Hills. I'm embarrassed by this fact. I definitely do not admire myself for it but I can't help it nonetheless. It's kind of like finding a beautiful beetle. My sophomore year in high school biology we had to do a bug box.. I forget what they're called but it was an entomology portion of the class and the random extra credit bug was found by me. Strangely, I'll never forget the moment it's metallic turquoise/goldish body, that resembled a badass chameleon paint job, lit up in the sunlight as it jumped from one pile of rocks over the little stream to another pile of rocks. It didn't have a prayer, what with my ninja-like butterfly net. It was mine and I loved it without even knowing that it was the extra credit bug. I'm pretty sure I got an A on my bug box because of it. Anyway, I guess I remember the whole thing because it was a moment when I clearly saw how life is about perspective. Up until that point I would have screamed and danced around the damn things, but once they became my objective I began to appreciate, even like, them. I guess I've learned to like some bugs (more than others (spiders!))because of that. I even like snakes now. Which is weird too, but that's a different story. So random thought. That just came to me out of nowhere. This is why I don't usually share my journal entries with people. They're strange and often make no sense to anyone but me... anyway, back to The Hills ...I loathe Spencer. I think that was my point. I'm disgusted by them but somehow fascinated at the same time. It's a strange paradox. But that's life. There you go.

If you haven't heard Greg Laswell. My God, get the CD.. buy it, download it.... whatever you have to do. Yes there are elements of other popular artists - ColdPlay - for example, but still. I've listened the the entire CD like 10 times today and I'm not bored yet. It's amazing. Speaking of Coldplay so is Viva La Vida. ADORE IT.

So many things to say, share, ponder, elucidate, explore but it's late. Sorry, I've been in word mode all day editing. Ugh. more later to all the folks that read this blog, Mari. :)

night. Night to you too, Beto.

We have a JUDGE!!! And he's Awesome!!!

2008-09-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

For Immediate Release

Blog4Reel.com Announces Their First Judge

San Antonio, Texas (September 12, 2008) – Blog4Reel.com, the world’s first blog-to-film competition, is proud to announce its first judge, Joseph Harmes, who will help determine the competition winner.

A native of San Antonio, Texas, Joseph Harmes is a writer who, over the years (for Time, Newsweek, People and other publications), interviewed Mexican presidents and covered the country’s economic collapses, the World Cup and the 1985 earth-quake in Mexico City. When tour guides at the museum in Dolores Hidalgo brag that then-Vice President George H.W. Bush visited on September 15, 1981, Harmes likes to say, “I know, I was with him.” Reporting assignments took him to the civil wars in Central America and the Balkans and to the home of Elian González in Cuba. After Gabriel García Márquez won the Nobel Prize, Harmes was the only American journalist invited to his private fiesta. The author appeared as himself in the books “Desperados: Latin Drug Lords, U.S. Law-men and the War America Can’t Win,” “Salvador” and “The Border.” Prior to moving to San Miguel de Allende in 2002, Harmes served as Miami Bureau Chief for People magazine. “Joseph is one of those people who always sees outside the box. Joseph’s immense experience as a writer and working for national publications makes his professional perspective highly valuable on our panel. He is an integral component to making this competition a fun outlet for similarly creative minds,” says Co-Creator Catherine Nored.

Blog4Reel is based in San Antonio and owned by people who have a shared love of film, words, art and innovation. Nored and Suta, who debuted their first film, The Theory of Everything, in 2007 at the San Antonio Underground Film Festival, created Blog4Reel with the hope and intention of participating in the rapidly changing internet and modern cinema. One of their goals is to prove you don’t have to live in Hollywood; the thing that energizes a grass roots competition like Blog4Reel is that it’s universal and it doesn’t matter where you live.

Updates

2008-09-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

So where am I? I guess I need to update y'all on everything since the Miss Latina Pageant. I am happy to say that my favorite, Miss Mexico won the pageant. You can see her here with Jade Esteban Estrada, and Dawn, the event director. The other pic includes Sonny Sauceda, a Grammy-winning musician. He was a really great guy and interested in film. We'll find a place for you somewhere, Sunny! I didn't really know what to expect but I was not disappointed. It was a warm summer evening and we got to watch these beautiful woman parade around in their finest attire and tell us what made them the perfect candidate for Miss Latina. I had a hard time judging the ones that didn't speak any English, which i felt bad about. I was the only non spanish speaking judge. I could catch stray words.. familia, bien, and such but had no idea what they meant strung together with the majority of words I didn't know. Although Miss Mexico wasn't as overtly stunning as some of them on first impression, she won me over at the end when she spoke on how proud she was being a woman in these pivotal, changing times. I think she will represent herself well for her culture, being that she seemed very well-rounded, articulate and confident. Jade was good about giving us direction... what to do and when to do it, although he forgot to mention not to stand until the end of our introduction until it was too late.. leaving me to stand and wave awkwardly at the crowd. We also got to see a live performance by Valeria, a local talent which included my favorite: B-boy dancers! Raul was the best. I could watch those boys trip the light fantastic all night long. Must have been a dancer myself in another life.. but definitely not this one! Afterwards we went up to congratulate Miss Mexico. I extended my hand to her and she was like, "No, you guys get hugs!" And proceeded to give me a big one, which I thought was very sweet. Good Luck to you, Miss Mexico! And why, you ask, do I keep calling her Miss Mexico? Because I don't remember her real name. Sorry, MM.

In other news, working on finding a celeb judge for the sites. I will, dammit, I will. Have calls into some pretty big names.. might as well shoot for the stars, eh? Also working on the Vlog4Reel launch party flyer, etc., which will be Oct. 17th in San Antonio. If you're anywhere close, mark it on your calender!

Tonight filming an episode of ProSpectives. Jade is gone to Mexico for a few days so no progress on Ennis.. Speaking of which I'll have to tell you later about the psychics. More on that later.. gotta run!

Psychics and the Beauty Pagent

2008-08-29T15:05:00.000-07:00

So this weekend should prove to be interesting. Jade and I are filming an episode of Ennis tomorrow. As it stands now our plan is "Ennis consults with psychics". I'm definitely going to try to find some hardcore Curanderas, if I'm spelling that correctly.. they're like Mexican witches or maybe that's too aggressive a word. Of course I don't mean witch like wart-addled hag or any such thing but these are the ladies to go see to ward off bad juju. They crack an egg over your head for good luck (seriously) and possibly even behead a chicken (I made that up). I'm not really sure as I've never been but I'm excited about it. It should be hilarious and maybe even illuminating.

As for the site issues we've been having because of (evil) Gate.com, Tony's making headway and one by one our issues are being resolved. Hall-lay-lu-yeah! I can't even tell you how much gray hair, wrinkles and assorted maladies I have suffered because of Gate, and I am happy we're almost completely over the dark night (month really) of the server migration.

As for our beloved "News To Me" - the latest is the piece on us is still planned but no air date is set because the Execs evidently have a hard-on for celeb interviews at the moment. Let's face it, who doesn't? We're still putting effort into finding some great judges for the competition which we'll soon be announcing but sadly Brad Pitt and George Clooney have not yet returned my calls...

Saw Zombies yesterday. Random thought. It's strange seeing zombies walk down your street. We were at a bar celebrating a friend's b-day when 3 guys dressed like zombies walked by.. evidently for some film or such. I was a zombie for Halloween several years ago. I went with my crazy friend Hector to all the delicious gay bars in Austin. Of course torrential rain came and my blood (fake of course) ran all over.. I was soaked and discolored but that didn't stop us from dancing the night away until the clothes were dryish.

Oh and Monday should be interesting. Jade got me a gig as a Judge for The Miss Latina World pageant. I asked Jade if I needed any experience/credentials for it and he told me all I need to do is 'judge people'. I told him I had no problem with that. :) The irony is I've been worried about being judged as the judge. I'm not Latina first of all. And I'm not high fashion, I've never had anything to do with a beauty pageant before in my life. I worried more. So I asked my close friend Turtle her advice. And she said, "you're a filmmaker - simple as that, you have an artistic eye." I thought about this. And I realized that I am able to see the beauty in all things, sometimes when the beauty isn't so obvious. I look for a beauty which extends beyond just the physical. I always try to see the truth of someone, their heart, if you will. So I guess that's not so bad. Hopefully I can bring a unique eye to the pageant. If nothing else, at least it's an excuse to get my nails done and put on a pretty dress, something I rarely do. Mari, who gives me a hard time for my cargo pants and t-shirts, will appreciate this! Wish the girls luck!

Hope y'all have a splendiferous weekend!

Haiku is Ku

2008-08-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

So I was inspired by Zen Master Alan Watts to write a Haiku on my way to the office one recent morning. Although found out later I got my syllables wrong. Oh, well. I still like it. I guess we'll call it a faux Haiku.

A Reminder

Even trash abandoned
Waves gleefully to passersbys
On furious roads

by Kimberly A. Suta
July 18, 2008

Then Catherine (my awesome Blog4Reel/Vlog4Reel partner) got me this hilarious ZOMBIE HAIKU book for my birthday. I'll share one for your edification, if indeed we can call it that, maybe more for your amusement...

You are so lucky
that I cannot remember
how to use doorknobs.

- Ryan Mecum

Waiting for the Other Shoe to HIT ME IN THE HEAD!

2008-08-13T14:12:00.000-07:00

So for all my (one) reader(s) out there... you may recall that last week was one big pile of steaming camel dung. This week, well, I guess it's fair to say that it's better. The sites are still having the same issues, but my birthday was on Tuesday and no one is allowed to have a bad birthday week. It was a fun day. I took the day off to reset myself and find a modicum of joy. We had intended to go to SeaWorld for the day, but it rained. I can't say I was surprised. But we made the best of it and went and saw Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D, which is just awesome. There's something about 3D movies that bring out the kid in me, which really isn't buried that deep to begin with. It's a fun movie and I highly recommend it as a good little summer flick, much better than the 3rd Mummy movie. I imagine Brendan Fraiser had a much better time with this one, based solely on the lead actresses. I did not care for the Rachel Weisz replacement in The Mummy at all. She was lame and lackluster and had absolutely no chemistry with the adorable Brendan. I'm sure Brendan had to conjer up Rachel every time he had to kiss her poor-man's doppleganger.

After the movie we met friends at Dave and Buster's for food and games. Mari, who you may know from ProSpectives, doesn't understand why we like these silly games but I'll play just about anything. I just wish the arcades here were better. Dave n Busters used to be top-notch but they seem to have gotten rid of a lot of their games or they were broken. Still, it was a great evening and I appreciate all my wonderful friends for making it so!

I've been thinking the last few days about this Zen Master, Alan Watts. He is truly amazing. I had been listening to one of his books on tape - The art of controlled accidents, I think it was called. In it he talks about a Zen Monk who while training a Zen student, he'll sneak up on them, at any time, and hit them, startle them, essentially push them to the point where they realize there is no point to anticipating the Master, or preparing for the onslaught since it can come at any time from anywhere. Kind of like life and all its myriad disasters (i.e. gate.com). So what's the point of getting worked up and frazzled and caught up in negative expectations? Whatever's going to happen is going to happen and there is no preparation, there's just floating along the flow and hoping the universe throws you a raft when the rapids get too crazy.

Double Eclipse

2008-08-10T19:27:00.000-07:00

You may be wondering, like me, how life can so quickly spiral out of control. One minute you're sailing along oblivious, enjoying life, or at least trying to and the next you crash into a wall. Me? I didn't crash, exactly but my websites did. And then our washer and dryer broke. And then my car broke. And then my sites were up. then down. then up. then down. Until I became dizzy with the disarray. Sometimes these things are easier to handle than others. But when you're not feeling emotionally and physically at your best, crashing into these walls leaves you wondering what's the point of getting up. I must admit I've had my little fantasies this week of running away to Mexico, of leaving it all behind. Working day and night for over a year on something that can just disappear at whim, at someone else's whim, be it the universe's, my sucky web host company's(GATE.COM), it doesn't matter. It's a whim that isn't mine and I don't like it. It's not fair. I know, I know.. every time I say that I hear a voice that rings audibly, "LIFE IS NOT FAIR." But it should be. In my world, the world I envision, life is fair.. people that put the best out there get the best back - people with good intentions, who are loving and kind and try try try to do things right don't have to suffer failing websites! And their dogs live forever, without cloning too. But this is not the world we live in, I'm afraid, at least not for now. In the midst of this, I was supposed to water my friend's plants while she's away on vacation. I remembered late and then when I went to her house I couldn't find the key she left out for me. I imagined the plants, wilting miserably, calling out to me, even begging for that cool liquid relief that I could not give them. I felt horrible. I called her to find out where the stupid key was and she didn't answer. But she called me back today. I tell her it's been a shitty week and then she explains the two eclipses - the solar eclipse and the lunar eclipse that we are experiencing this month is the cause of all the disaster. Two Eclipses creating so much chaos. I'm relieved, I guess, a little. But the sites are still having issues. I'm on my millionth call hold right now with the evil GATE, on hold for hours and hours and hours because their tech support sucks. I will make it my life's mission to make sure y'all know just how much. And so I'm writing to explain to you how precarious life can be, how easily influenced, if not by ourselves, by the winking of a sun and moon. And so here we are... I hope yours is going better than mine...

Holding Patterns & First Friday Festivities

2008-08-05T14:06:00.000-07:00

For those of you Blog4Reel/Vlog4Reel enthusiasts, you may have noticed that the sites are experiencing 'difficulties' - as they say, when they don't want to say what's really going one.. one big massive cluster**ck! The sites were supposed to have been transitioned onto new servers last tues. by our host, Gate.com. The transition was supposed to have taken 10 hours. Almost 200 hours later, they're still messed up. I imagine this kind of disruption isn't good for any website but when you're a fledgling company slowly building it's way up, it's even more detrimental. Or is it? I refuse to expect that. The good news is that the CNN News To Me piece is in the works but has not been scheduled. So we have time. And we will be back up before then, I promise. I've been talking to my tech guru and we're seriously considering moving to a new company by the end of the week if things have not been resolved. So we'll see what happens. All I can really do right now is
B-R-E-A-T-H-E!

In more exciting news, Jade Esteban Estrada and I taped an Ennis P. Vlog of Friday Friday - San Antonio's Arts District's big Art/Food/Fun Walk every first friday. We had such a blast! I met so many cool people - people with bright red Mohawks, big dazzling light sabers, yummy gorditas, rose-smelling palm fronds. All out to have a good time, which is how SA does it.. we're all about the partying here. It's been a while since I've gone to one. I've been in the neighborhood so long that eventually you get tired of it, bored. But it was really cool to be able to experience it again, from a fresh perspective, a gay lactose-intolerant, vegetarian cowboy perspective! The real feather in our cap was an interview with one of San Antonio's most famous Hollywood actors, Jesse Borrego (who was in Fame). He was fun and upbeat and so generous to give us some of his time. He happened to be doing a fundraiser that night for CineStudios (a new non-profit he's starting to help give kids an opportunity to get involved with film), so it was a very serendipitous experience for us. (The pic shown here is from Season 3 of "24")

One of my favorite interviews of the night was with this little boy who's an "Indigo Child" - children who are born super aware and very gifted. He can see auras and spirit animals, energies and such. He was sweet enough to tell me that my spirit animals are a Hawk and a Deer and my bf has a lizard! Good to know there's something out there helping me along! I could definitely use it. Maybe I can send my Hawk out to put some pressure on Gate. Hmmm...

Jade at Open Mic Night

2008-07-28T18:31:00.000-07:00

Talk about a character - here's Jade during a break from Open Mic night last Thursday... we had such a blast!

Art of Fashion in S.A. 2008

2008-07-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

I got to film Agosto Cuellar's Fashion Show last weekend - probably San Antonio's biggest fashion event of the year. Everything was beautiful, especially Agosto's. I'll see if Agosto's gonna post the footage or perhaps I can give you a little peeky. This pic is after the show with Agosto and Mari - who helped run the show behind the scenes. You might recognize Mari from our ProSpectives show on Vlog4Reel.com. This girl is a character. I love her!

Elephump

2008-07-25T21:01:00.001-07:00

I painted this picture a few months ago in honor of the amazing creature that is Elephant. A friend sent me a link (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=5435466&page=1) to this article today on Elephants - evidently they now believe Elephants can suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, just like us humans. What a notion, huh, that a creature who's seen its mother shot and killed by poachers, nearly starved to death and/or been tortured for years in various unhealthy environments such as zoos and circus' might actually experience trauma?

Are we so self-absorbed that we can't see how we affect other lives on this planet? I've always been particularly fascinated and drawn to elephants - such beautiful, wise animals, probably more so than the typical jack-ass that cuts you off in traffic. Wanna help out, you can donate to this Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee:
http://www.elephants.com/

Let's start one here in Texas! Anyone game???

Fools4Real

2008-07-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting week for me... I'm guessing the universe wanted me to get some practice making a fool of myself in public since it happened twice this week! The nature of launching a business like Blog4Reel and Vlog4Reel that requires the interest of the public at large means not only do I have to put what I'm doing out there but myself as well. Yay.

Although many moons ago in H.S. I enjoyed drama very much and was even pretty decent, if I do say so myself, I found a more comfortable fit for myself writing, producing... always behind the scenes. A lot of people think writers are trolls. Not true. We just wish we were. If I had my own bridge with a computer and a nice little fire pit, I'd be a happy camper.

Well no more! No, I must stand in the glaring sun of other people's judgment, criticism, and if I'm lucky some small manner of admiration or at least appreciation. This week I was asked to sit on a panel for the San Antonio Film Commission. I was very honored to do so, of course. The problem was there seems to have been a miscommunication between the Commission and the Host - who kept asking me questions about Blog4Reel that really weren't relevant to the Topic: Promoting your film locally. I came prepared to talk about my short film we premiered last year, The Theory of Everything. I got so discombobulated that at the end when she asked me where people could find my movie, I couldn't even remember to tell them it's on Vlog4Reel. It's on Vlog4Reel, dammit! I mentioned my MySpace page and then couldn't even remember the URL for it.. granted for Blog4Reel I have about 100 such pages.. I have URL's & passwords coming out my arse, as the Scottish so eloquently put it. Regardless, it was embarrassing. I felt my face flush red and wished I could twinkle my nose and vanish into thin air but alas... The one uplifting moment was when this little girl who'd been dragged there by her actor father said that I was "the most interesting one out of all of them." She was sweet and sincere and as my friend said later, Kids don't lie.

Then last night I went to go check out Jade at his Open Mic night at Sam's Spot in San Antone and he called me up in front of the crowd to talk about my film and Blog4Reel. Granted it was a small crowd but I could feel my nerves buzzing as I stood there in front of the hot white lights covered in my chihuahua's hair (which gets everywhere). I was not prepared. And maybe that's ok. The world did not come to a crashing end, I did not die and nobody pointed a finger and laughed. I've been listening, in my car, to this really cool zen artist Alan Watts. He talked about the art of spontenaity and maybe that's what I'm supposed to be getting out of this.. to enjoy such things, go with the flow, be in the moment, blah blah... but I am a novice spontenaitor and therefore fell on my face. Hopefully next time I'll do better. Hopefully. Either way, you'll be sure to find out!

If you wanna hear the infamous panel discussion, check out the podcast on the San Antonio's Film Commission site (it's the July panel discussion) -

http://safilmforum.blogspot.com/2007/08/now-on-splashcast.html

If you'd like to see me looking flustered and also see some pretty funny stuff from Jade and others, I'll put up a link once the video's posted.

Hope y'all have a beautiful weekend. We plan to see Batman, finally. Have you seen it? Did you love it? Also taping an episode of ProSpectives for our Vlog4Reel Channel. Should be fun to be with my peeps again! We're gonna get crazy, ya know, with Brunch on Sunday!

"Deep Thoughts" Revisted #2

2008-07-17T14:03:00.000-07:00

"I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad." - Jack Handy

In today's political climate, that poor robot would probably be tasered, bombed, burned and completely incinerated. After the New Yorker's tasteless cover of Obama & his wife as terrorists, there's no telling what people are capable of... I, for one, would hug the robot and let it know it's all okay. After all we have to start somewhere and I do like robots... robot chicken, Bender, K-9 from Dr. Who.

No Cheeseburger in My Paradise

2008-07-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

So so so much going on. Where to begin. Well I guess the best news is we taped the footage for the CNN bit last week and overall it went well although I was a little disappointed with my performance. I wasn't nervous exactly. I think the problem was I had so much to say and I couldn't remember all of it - the second the camera went on I forgot everything. I guess it's the idea of all those eyes on me.. like the camera's big EYE represents every eye in the world and well, since I can't imagine the camera naked I had nothing to shake me out of it. So I used cue cards and that was challenging. I'm praying it's useable, but if not I'm totally down for a reshoot although I'll be lucky to get my hair to look like that again. Lisa Weller, amazing stylist, did my hair and I don't know what she did but for a day I had celebrity hair. I felt like cinderella. But the second I washed it, poof, my chariot turned right back into a pumpkin and the starlit was gone. Se la vie.
So I've sent out the press release to all the major and local media and I got a call today from a guy I've never even heard of from a company that doesn't even show up when I google - and he critisized me for sending out info on it when it's so new (no one's using it yet). I'd like to know how you get people on if no one knows about it. I think people in the industry are so used to pretending their one thing when they're another. I'm not ashamed of the fact that we're new, that we're grassroots. I think it gives us an edge because we're fresh and we're honest and we are what we are and we're not afraid of that. I refuse to live in a world anymore where I have to hide any part of myself and no one should. We should all be loving and appreciative of our differences and our uniqueness. That's what keeps it all interesting. Viva la Liberty!

So I'm really excited about where we're going with both Blog4Reel and Vlog4Reel. I think the News To Me show will catapult us into the public eye which is what we need and the rest is up to you, the viewer, the artists, the eyes of the web. All we can do is create and hope you like what you see. Of course we are always up for suggestions. Tonight we're having a ProSpectives meeting for our next episode. Has anyone watched it yet? I think Tom's edits/drawings are brilliant and make me laugh.

The only blah part of my life right now is my difficult tummy. I had an "attack" Friday night. I thought it was food poisoning. My nutritionist thinks it's my gallbladder, my healer friend thinks I might have an ulcer.. so I don't know what to think. Either way I'm cutting WAY back .. only eating clean foods and attempting to be Postive about the whole thing. NO STRESS = SUCCESS! I believe that. Getting to that peaceful happy placing and Staying there is the hard part in our society. But I will perservere, GD!

Deep Thoughts Revisted

2008-07-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

Remember Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey on Sat. Night Live? They were one of my absolute favorite things they ever did. So a while back I went through an old box of stuff I'd had shipped from WA - my old stomping grounds, and found a book of Deep Thoughts. So for your amusement and mine....

DEEP THOUGHT by Jack Handy:

"Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a "shell" if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags."

Updates & Holiday Slack

2008-07-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

So I've been horribly inconsistent with the blogging thing again - blame it on the new site VLOG4REEL (yay!). We've been working hard on getting some content up for the VlogStar Channels. I've been working with Comedian Jade Esteban Estrada - who just MC'd the GLAAD Awards on TV - very cool. He's absolutely one of my favorite comedians - he can tell a joke with just his facial expressions alone. I feel so honored that he's agreed to do some stuff for Vlog4Reel. I met Jade through another one of our VlogStars - Eric Fonseca. See no one thinks we have cool stuff in San Antonio but we've just been hiding under the radar... but no longer!

Also we've been doing a lot with the ProSpectives - which is still something we're working on defining - it's kind of a talkshow but then it's kinda just us gals sitting around bullshitting... for the moment we're sort of letting it be organic and define itself through the process. Amazing editor Tom Trevino's on board and I think with his energy and creative input we're gonna have some interesting episodes. The one we shot this last week we decided to dress up in 60's style so we raided Jive Refried's closet and found some hideous dresses to wear. It was a blast although I think the getups threw off our normal synergy but that's ok. Hopefully Tom will come up with some funny shiz to spice it up! Mari, Susan & Tom have been so much fun to work with. I'm excited to see where we go with it.

I just sent out the first press release for Vlog4Reel and we have another surprise coming soon that will be announced on CNN's "News To Me!" I'll let you know when we have a date. Biggest challenge I have now is getting the word out on this shoestring budget and having the time to do it. With both sites & a regular job I've been putting in 12 - 14 hour days (including weekends). But I love it so it's not a complaint.. just a little tired. I got a good nights sleep though last night so gearing up for a productive week.

My bf's dad's in town from GA this weeekend for the holiday. Just got done making the world's BEST potato salad. Yummy. We're grilling and the boyz are playing video games (surprise surprise)! I plan to takeover at some point and catch up on Mario Galaxy - which is just like the most fun video game ever!

So as it's almost time for dinner I'm gonna take off but leave you with well wishes for everyone's 4th Weekend! I didn't do much yesterday but got to see fireworks from my balcony. I soooo LOVE fireworks!!! The best show I ever saw was on the Pier in San Francisco... some big show they do every year where they introduce the latest in pyrotechnics (is that the right word). I'll never forget it... the crowd was huge and vibrant and noisy but once the fireworks started everyone was silent, mouth open in awe. My friend, Weiner, said it was like an orgasm for the eyes. And oh, yes, it was!

There Will Be Suckage

2008-06-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

I don't care what anyone says; I don't care that it has an 8.4 rating on IMDB, There Will Be Blood is one of the worst movies I've seen as a long time. Some quotes off of user comments on IMDB from someone who likes the film are:

- "It is a powerful and emotionally draining experience."
- "There Will Be Blood will leave audiences feeling exhausted and with a bitter taste in their mouths."

Call me crazy but that just does NOT describe a good film to me, accurate as it is. Frankly it's discouraging, as a filmmaker/writer that THIS is what people/critics like. The fact that I don't get it though is a relief. I don't want to relate, understand or appreciate a film like this. I don't want to be on the same page as it. Maybe I can't "see" it clearly but that's because it's so dark as to be unrecognizable. And I'm perfectly happy leave it there in the dark, where it belongs.

Has this Happened to You?

2008-06-21T13:42:00.000-07:00

I just had to stop and express my joy from the new Coldplay CD, Viva la Vida. I love it when you're listening to a new CD and you're chillin', lying on the bed taking it in, then sitting at the computer writing, whatever. Maybe it's been a while since you've allowed yourself to feel much of anything but the music overwhelms you, it seeps into you. You can't help but stop and listen and then you understand the songs are speaking to you (especially LOST & Viva La Vida), like a long song sermon of love from the universe and it's really like it was written just for you, just for this moment... the music moving in sync with the waves of emotion you're experiencing. And then you're crying, then laughing... It's only happened to me a few times. But when it does, it's hard not to believe there's something more than just the physical, there's something more to us than what we see. I feel so connected and loved and loving and like everyone of us is ok or will be ok... at least eventually. You know some of us are slow learners. :)

Anyway, I do believe that things/people/whathaveyou come along at various times in our lives (a lot of times it's books for me) and I think they are messages from our higher selves/the great spaghetti monster in the sky/whathaveyou but man, when it's something as beautiful as Chris Martin's voice singing to you, articulating exactly how you're feeling at that very moment, it's like being inside Sacre Coeur, the most amazing church that sits at the highest point in Paris, or whathaveyou.

Just thought I'd mention it.

Btw, there's a pretty decent article on Martin in this month's Rolling Stones.

Have you checked out vlog4reel yet?

Item# 5,343,590 - VLOG4REEL!!!

2008-06-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life seems little more than a series of adding and deleting things from one Gia-Normous TO DO list.

All I do is make to do lists... I have one for work, one for my personal life, one for Blog4Reel and now one for.... (DRUM ROLL PLEASE) VLOG4REEL.COM! Yes, it's true.. we were having so much fun with Blog4Reel that we decided it needed a sister. Actually though so many people's blogs are already Vlogs and it seemed a natural evolution to add a vlog competition. We'd been talking about it for forever and it just seemed the right time to make it happen. So if you get a chance, please Check it Out!

I know I have failed in my attempt to blog every day. Bah. I wanted to.. I blog in my head but then life has its way with me. I was sick for a week, as you know, and then the bf was sick for a week (yes, my fault)... limiting my access to the computer at home, which is when I usually blog. On top of that I've been mad busy trying to get all the little details in order for Vlog4Reel to go live. It's just the way it is. If we had 48 hours a day .. it might happen.. or I might commit seppuku out of sheer exhaustion. Who wouldn't? Instead I have to accept that I can only do what I can do. I mean does it really really matter anyway if we can or can't do anything? I don't really really think it does. Do the best you can and relax. That's all I'm committing to doing these days.

Do I sound drab? This post is a little blah but probably because I'm trying to do a fast post. I'll write more later when I have time to muse and meander. But I just wanted you to know!

HA!

2008-06-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Off to Work We Go!

2008-06-08T17:24:00.000-07:00

Spent the day working on a video for a contest. I'll let you know more once it's up. Was fun except for working outside in the 100 degree heat. This is going to be a busy busy week. Have tons of editing to do on the new B4R thing and also have a press release to work on, just for starters. Not to mention catching up on all the crap that piled up from being sick last week. Ugh.

$$$Prosperity Game - $2,187,000 - Day 7$$$

Because One House isn't enough... I found a gorgeous gorgeous place in the French Country, not to far from the Riviera. It's so warm and inviting. This is a dream house 4 sure. Check it out and imagine.........

http://www.french-property.com/vp/nv/ds/midi-pyrenees-gers-mirande-residential/id/107381/

CHANGE to be FOUND...

2008-06-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

Change is on the wind, you see. I can smell it in the rain. I have friends, not prophets, predicting the end of the world. The OIL will be the end of us, they say. Ironic if so since it is LITERALLy the END for all creatures... liquid creation. LIQUID devastation.
I feel a story brewing, working it's way up from the core through the cracks of consciousness. I feel it. Can you feel it? It's in the music. It's on the TV. I want to dance like we did in 1999 to Prince at the club (what was the name of that club???) with my best CuZiN & best friend, dance like you are free and young and there is no tomorrow. Just the end of the world (as you know it). I guess everyday is like that, but it doesn't feel like it sometimes - it feels like a clock turning endlessly endlessly on the dial. The same numbers, the same cadence. Just the Same Same Same.

And all I want is Change.

$$$Prosperity GAME - $729,000 - Day 6$$$

A house A house A house!

This may seem like a lot of money for a house but not in the lovely neighborhood that I live and rent in - Alamo Heights in San Antonio. This will probably afford me a nice modest 3-bedroom house. I want a garden full of veggies and herbs and berries. I want a pretty yard my little ChiWA can run around in. And I want a Pool so I can swim every morning in the moist air. I want, at last, a place to call my own. I've been moving around my entire life... not living in one place for more than a few years at a time. If I add it up.. wait.. let me do the math.. I've lived in.. shit.. I can't even remember but I've stopped somewhere around 20.

Beyond the Fog

2008-06-06T16:09:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to come out of my Sicky Haze. Finally. It's still mind-boggling to me the things our bodies can do. No I won't go into detail as I don't wish to disgust anybody. Or do I...? Well anyway,I was blog searching today - looking for bloggers to tell them about us and ran across an interesting one, at least for me. It's not really B4R material but if you like Whales/Seals, it has some cool photos.
Check it out:

http://sfbaywhalewatching.blogspot.com/

I'm going to try to buckle down and work on a media kit this weekend with the help of my cousin-in-law who works for a major advertising agency. I have some experience with this but it's been so long it will be good to get some advice from someone who is current with all of the ins and outs of the ad world. It's ridiculous to me.. all the lingo. It's just like any particular industry. They keep out the "laypeople" by using language that makes no sense. But once you learn it it's pretty easy. All the online specs gets pretty confusing for me but am sure I'll manage.

By the way, I'm looking for video content at the moment.. if anyone has anything good, let me know!

$$$Prosperity Game - $243,000$$$

This game is definitely getting fun. Finally getting into some $ I can do something with! Woohoo!

$43,000 - Travel to Europe - Greece (pic is of Santorini), Britain & prolly a little stop-over in Amsterdam. Let's face it to have a first class trip overseas nowadays is gonna cost an arm and a leg with the current exchange rate. I went there in 2003 on a very frugal budget and still spent $5,000. I want to travel in style for a change and see how the other half lives. Rent a villa in Greece, see all the sites in GB and party like a rockstar in Amsterdam.

$50,000 - shopping spree - clothes, jewelry and shoes, shoes, shoes!

$150,000 - WON WORLD - to counteract my indulgences, I want to start a non-profit company whose mission it is to disseminate TRUTH - information on health & the environment in particular. This is pretty much just start-up money and will require further investment. I imagine we'll need to do primary research since I think a big problem with most information we get today is that it's biased. It would be nice to have a group that's sole goal is THE TRUTH. I don't know about you but I'm tired of sifting through half-truths on the news, internet etc., and trying to base a rational opinion on that information. How nice would it be to have a source that you know is accurate and trustworthy? Or... even better... imagine a world where everything you see, read, hear is the truth.. no lies, no evasions.. nothing to hide. But we gotta start somewhere!

Sicky 4 Real!

2008-06-04T21:08:00.001-07:00

I hate being sick. It's depressing. It's like I'm unable to remember a time when I wasn't it so overwhelms and absorbs me. It's hard not to be with Phlegm being a constant reminder. At least I finally slept for a couple of hours today, mouth open, drooling. I woke up in a pile of it, wet and cold on my cheek. Although it would seem you have all the free time in the world when your sick you don't have the energy or inclination to do anything but... be... sick. I find myself sitting and staring at nothing in particular, like I'm some old senile woman waiting for the wind to carry me home. I know I'm dramatic. It's a built-in mechanism that I have no control over at this point. I'm probably thinking on death a little because I watched "The Savages" tonight.. a pretty good movie with Phillip Seymour Hoffman (one of my favs) and Laura Linney about these two siblings and their dying estranged father. It brought up old familiar and heartbreaking memories of my mom in the nursing home. She was there for 10 years (I was 15) before she died. Horrible places, nursing homes. I hope never never to step foot in one again. But that's a long story and I'm tired.

$$$Prosperity Game - $81,000$$$

Well, I would buy a new body right now if I could be considering that's probably improbable and even if I could it would cost a whole helluva lot more than $81,000, I think what I will do with this money is invest it into Blog4Reel as a necessary but loathsome marketing budget.. print ads, online ads, maybe even a billboard or two. I'm sure it won't buy much on a national level but it's a start!

Sicky Blog

2008-06-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

You know what I like Best about Blog4Reel.com - it's reading other people's blogs or inspiring other people to blog. It's like this never-ending train of Creation... and it keeps going and gets passed along and keeps going and the ideas and the stories are like little nuggets of joy. I love them!

Feeling a little under the weather today - head cold or allergies. I hate coughing and hacking and sneezing and well just plain breathing when I don't feel good. I'm a baby. But I'm still working & Blogging! Yay me!

So.... $$$Prosperity Game - Day 4 - 27,000$$$

I've been waiting for this one! Woohoo...!!!

$20,000 - A NEW SCION XB. I love them. They're adorable, reliable and get pretty good gas mileage.

$4,000 - Pay off the old car and donate it or give it away.

$3,000 - Buy my BF a Scooter. For the moment his only vehicle is a mountain bike. And I know he's been wanting a scooter for a while!

$$$Prosperity Game - Day 3 - $9,000$$$

2008-06-02T19:13:00.000-07:00

By the way, I guess I should clarify that I didn't mean to multiply times 3 each day but to triple each day, if that makes any sense. Whatever, it's my own math.

This one's an easy one - $9,000 clams straight to the IRS - cha-ching! You're welcome Uncle Sam! Please don't spend my money on War, Subsidies to the Oil Companies or Walmart, and I'll be satisfied!

But I won't hold my breath.

I Suck, Part 2

2008-06-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

Ok so this has been a good learning exercise. I am, evidently, highly undisciplined. Seems I can't even get through 3 straight days of blogging. But as mentioned previously, I will keep trying till I get this right! I am proud to say I've been a little more disciplined with the WiiFit - which is a blast and actually pretty good exercise if you put in the effort. I am quite fond of the balance games - slollum skiing is a blast!

Well we are 2 weeks away from announcing the "addition" to the blog4reel site. Very exciting! I'll be working on some video this week with one of my favorite comedians, Jade Estrada, whose music video I posted earlier. He's hilarious and I can't wait to see what new material he comes up with.

Went and saw the new Indy movie over the weekend. What can I say but, as fan of the trilogy (minus #2), I was sorely disappointed. I mean Harrison is still gorgeous, even at 80 (jk) but let's face it... Lucas shouldn't have been allowed to touch this project. He's frakked up every movie he's created since 1984. Sad. But still, don't mess with my Indy, dammit! The writing was weak, the production values, which I expected to be through the roof, was also weak. And the ending.... come on! I mean seriously. I could have written a better premise in my sleep - in fact I often do. My dreams are more whack than a Stephen King/Joan Rivers love-child. I was going to say Hillary Clinton but I didn't want to piss anyone off. :) See, politically correct am I!

I Suck

2008-05-31T11:51:00.000-07:00

Evidently I couldn't make it to day 3 of my blogging experiment. But as they say, you stumble, fall, land face first in the mud and then you pick yourself up again and move on. Perseverance is key. I believe that. In fact, sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going - knowing that eventually you will achieve your dreams if you never give up on them... it might take a while.. you may look like George Burns when it's all said and done but eventually IT WILL HAPPEN.

So onto the $$Prosperity Game, Day 2 - 3,000$$

$1,500 - 52 inch HDTV - for the bf, cause that's all I've been hearing about lately!
$1,500 - Armoire - Something for me!

Today in my BLOG4REEL world - we're picking out colors for the new addition to the site and it is harder than it looks! We've gone from something that looks like a circus to a baby Shower! As you can tell by my blog I am color-challenged! Ugh. But I'm sure we'll get there....

Because I'm Kooky!

2008-05-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

So Experiment #2 I'm getting directly from the pages of the book, Ask & It Is Given - it's a book based on the law of attraction and GD I am going to give it an honest go! One of the "Games" it has for greasing that squeaky wheel is called the Prosperity Game.

Basically you get an "imagined" $1,000 a day. So by day 30, you get $30,000. The goal is to "spend" the money anyway you like each day and focus on what it is you really want (as opposed to what you don't want). The idea is by focusing on these things you will shift your energy about money and receiving. I'm going to do it for a month. And since you can play it anyway you like really I've decided to triple my money every day. You can write checks out for what you want - real or created - but I'm just going to keep a log on here. Let's see what happens! (I bet Oprah tried it!)

$$PROSPERITY GAME - Day #1 ($1,000)$$

$500 - Mic for my Camera & tripod
$60 - gorgeous black patent (yes, patent)leather & silver sandals I found
$200 - give to my friend to help out
$100 - have Roxy (my dog's) teeth cleaned
$140 - take my friends out for some grub - probably for seafood since we've been craving shrimpies.

As an aside - funniest phrase I heard today on LOST - "Time Traveling Bunnies" Yes!

The Curse of the Lemon Wedge

2008-05-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

I was told today (don't ask me by who) about the Lemon Curse. Rachel Ray may have a different recipe, but basically you do the following:

- Find (steal) hair(s) from the one you despise
- Cut a lemon but not all the way through
- Insert hair
- Seal shut lemon with nails - nine I think it was.
- Make sure the lemon sits close to the one you loathe - evidently sending out its waves of malevolent intent.

Within seven days or so something terrible should befall your nemesis! How crazy is that?! I love it! If I didn't believe in Karma there's a few people I might actually consider trying this out on! :)

Day 2 RANT

2008-05-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

Didn't think I'd make it, did you? Thought I'd forget to blog today, huh? Well you were wrong! Wrong, I say. hahahahahaha!!!!!!!! (maniacal laughter). Sorry but it's been a rough week and I'm a little, yes just a little, edgy.

I realize part of my problem with this blog is that it is connected to a business, so I've been waring with myself over the reality of who I am vs. the reality of who I need to be in the business world which is currently largely defined by large corporations - by their business culture - which is then filtered on down like fashion from NY runways to Walmart. Walmart's where we're at in this country, Walmart's and Exxons and frankly I would shoot myself before I'd work at either of those companies. I don't shop at them because I don't like them or respect them. I think you know why. If you don't - check these out:

http://www.longviewinstitute.org/projects/moral/walmart
http://walmartwatch.com/press/releases/wal_mart_china_cozy_multi_billion_dollar_bedfellows/
http://washouts.blogspot.com/2007/07/wal-mart-is-bad-for-america.html
http://www.alternet.org/environment/23528

Point is I feel as an owner of a company, even if it is one as small as blog4reel, I'm required to be polite, objective, and Rated G, even though I quite enjoy cussing like a dirty pirate. (Let me know what you think by voting at the top of this page on "To Cuss or Not to Cuss.") I was raised in that culture - white bread middle-class ethics. I guess I think it's right cause that's all I've known. But that's never been who I really am. I've been struggling a lot lately over who I am in my life in general. I know I don't always live the way I most would like to be. Just like most of us I guess, I have my insecurities. We all have a desire to be accepted but I think we are all driven to be the amazing unique individuals we are as well and finding the balance between them is quite a challenge.

But I fully realize and embraced today that it's my choice. Just like everything in life is a choice even when it doesn't feel that way. Even if you don't believe the circumstance you are in was created (at least in part) by you, you must concede that you are 100% responsible for your reaction to any particular situation.

I am ready to change, to make conscious choices in my life, to be more who I want to be. The irony is if i don't I'm gonna end up a hypocrite just like my father - not practicing what I preach. If I believe in the power of NOW, the Law of Attraction, the oneness, the wholeness, the connection between every living being, every creature, every tree, even those crazy raspberry ants that have been all over the news lately. If I believe in our eternalness, if I believe that religion and science are two sides of the same coin and those two sides are idiots for not recognizing that already because it's so obvious that somewhere in between what both of them believe is a commonality. It's clear to me and to my closest friends but it seems the general public is steeped in chaos, fear and separation. All of it feels fake, like it's made of plastic, plastic that sits in the belly of an albatross (that beautiful endangered animal) slowly decomposing over centuries of time.

If I don't start living & practicing what I preach, saying what I believe, then I am already that albatross....

At the end of the day all we can do is love and forgive ourselves and others - all of them. Yes, every single last one. Even the guy who just cut your arse off in traffic.

NOTE: The views of this blog do NOT express the views of Blog4Reel.com. (See, I'm being professional!)

This is AWESOME!

2008-05-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

Old Musings

2008-05-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

Going through some papers the other day I found the beginnings of a poem and I kinda like it...

What good is a dream
if u can't make it real
Why should I touch u
if you can't really feel.

If there is a point
I'm waiting to find it
the eye of a needle
with a camel behind it.

I'd like to give up
on this crumbling world
but there's something inside
that just won't let go.

What can I tell you
when I don't have the words?
Besides, it's something you already know.

Days of Experimentation to come...

2008-05-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

Well I'm not in college anymore but I've been feeling a yen for some experimentation lately. There's no telling where this could lead, if anywhere, but I will attempt to start out slowly...

My first experiement will involve discipline in blog writing. I'm on everyone's ass all the time about consistantly blogging and I guess that's pretty hypocritical if I'm not doing the same.

There's so many things rolling around in my head at the moment - like marbles with no place to settle. So many things to blog about. I think I'll make a short list and then elaborate later.

1. Blog4Reel is getting ready to amp it up. We're soon launching a new part of the site - I can't say what yet - but it will be exciting. I've still been talking with the awesome Producer for the CNN show, News to Me (check it out - it airs on the weekends) so we're working hard to get it up before the interview. I'm a little overwhelmed with all the things that need to be done. Even though I started out (in college again) wanting to be in the advertising/marketing field, once I realized it wasn't just sitting around and coming up with jingles and logos and fun stuff, I moved on. Being that we are all bombarded with what is it like 10,000 mothaflippin' advertisements on a daily basis it's easy to become skeptical. I mean what good does do? Well I'll tell you. Without it, no one knows what the hell you are or what the hell you do. I love my bloggers but we need more! We need more good stories to sift through. We are really on a mission to find that untold story but we can't do it if you don't know about us....

2. Airlines Suck. I wish I could just say there's just one you need to stay away from, but on our recent trip to Chicago we were shuffled around to 4 different airlines and all of them sucked! Northwest, American, Midwest & especially United! I'll write out the story later and I promise you you'll never check your luggage again! Or at least I know I won't.

3. My co-worker of 8 years got canned yesterday. Bad sitch. Really. And I miss him.

4. It's hot in S.A.! But the Spurs still Rock even if they're getting their asses kicked by the Lakers.

5. Um, Judges.

6. Now I'm just wanting to keep my list going cause I'm neurotic like that and I love lists.....

7. Whoever is reading this, if anyone, thank you. :)

That's it for now.. I have a meeting in 10 mins!

Chicago Pic

2008-05-26T16:50:00.000-07:00

Remarkable Lamark!

2008-05-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

I just finished a book by Alex Rose called The Musical Illusionist. The book is written as if fact and I'm now wondering if those he wrote about really existed or not. I googled them and came up with nothing so far. This doesn't necessarily mean anything. I'll look more later. I wanted to share some snippets from the story about Phelix Lamark who was supposedly an inventor who was fascinated with so many things and saw the unity in all.

While artists and scientist become more and more devisive - seperating themselves from each other, Lamark "sought the very opposite, a synthesis of disciplines.

"Specialization can only lead to further specialization and to what end? Human endeavors will become as fractured as the stars, isolated and scattered, with no constellation to hold them in place. Innovation without cross-pollination is an absurdity; without integrated research there can be no breadth of imagination." He sites the Fall of Rome as one example - it met its fate not by falling siege to outsiders, but by slowly fragmenting from the inside.

"It is coming to light that all the imponderables - heat, electricity, magnetism - are manifestations of the same force. This insight would not have been possible without a groundwork of common principles. It is conceivable that many other fundamental energies, such as gravity and impetus, may too prove to be properties linked by an ecumenical potential, as Aristotle foresaw. The infinite divisions we have erected in our quest for knowledge are but false categories obstructing the true nature of that which is."

I love that! It makes so much sense to me. Nothing in nature can be extracted and studied without consideration to all that surrounds and influences it. To try to do so is myopic. What do you think? Whether Lamark is real or just a figment of Rose's imagination the seed of such an idea is brilliant and pervades life itself. Everything is connected. To not realize this is not only ignorant, it is sad.

That being said - just know that somehow somewhere, Blog4Reel affects your life! :) See I can always bring it back around.........!

cheers!

Genius, Moi?

2008-05-17T11:15:00.001-07:00

It's nice when you can legitimately compare yourself to a genius... especially one you greatly admire.

I read in the news today about a letter written by Albert Einstein, which sold for $404,000 at a London Auction.

What was this very expensive letter about? Einstein's distaste for religion, in fact.

"The letter was written to philosopher Eric Gutkind in January 1954, a year before Einstein's death. In it, the Einstein said that "the word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish."

Einstein experts say the letter supports the argument that the physicist held complex, agnostic views on religion. He rejected organized faith but often spoke of a spiritual force at work in the universe." (AP World News)

The cool thing is if I were to attempt to describe my own beliefs regarding religion I would pretty much say the same thing.

For those who know me it's no surprise I feel a connection to Einstein... he pretty much inspired my short film, The Theory of Everything.

In it I wrote (in the text at the beginning of the film):

"Einstein spent his life in search of one grand unifying principle. Many quantum physicists now believe that String Theory, sometimes referred to as the Theory of Everything is the fundamental feature upon which the universe is constructed. That everything is only a result of microscopic reactions between particles which are nothing more than vibrating strings may seem bleak and impersonal until you ask yourself this: What is the force behind these strings? What drives them to create…?"

(At the end of the film):

"Perhaps the quintessential truth that Einstein sought and possibly knew all along is simply a divinity found within each sentient being. After all, he proved that mass and energy are different forms of the same thing. All thought and emotion are energy; therefore every smile, every tear, every laugh - whether bitter or sweet – define not only us, they define our universe."

Maybe someday someone will sell my film at auction for hundreds of thousands of dollars. You never know. Or it will perish without thought after I'm gone. Doesn't matter really cause I'll be sipping a capp. with Einstein on a floating Eiffel Tower in some alternate universe discussing our thoughts on theology.

Stranger things...

JackRabbit Cafe - Member Video!

2008-05-15T14:42:00.000-07:00

MAJESTIC

2008-05-14T15:03:00.000-07:00

MONKEY LOVE!

2008-05-14T14:54:00.000-07:00

Back in Blog

2008-05-13T18:24:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since I've last blogged. I am a bad blogger. bad. I should be spanked and I'm sure I will be. later. by my boyfriend. just kidding.

No but seriously it's been a crazy busy past few weeks and I have come out of it frazzled and worn-out and mayhaps reborn. I'm exaggerating a little but you get the point. Mainly, I've just been dealing with the usual ups and downs of starting any new project. One minute I'm flying high........... and the next I'm CRASHING into the tundra of my own annihilation. It's not fun.

Although I have to thank the universe for little signs of encouragement - like today I was super stressed because I thought the site was down. I was on hold with my server company - Gate.com - for over an hour. When I finally talk to somebody I find out that it's just me, well, my computer to be exact. She walked me through deleting my temporary internet files and while we were waiting, she was checking out the site, Blog4Reel of course, and asking me questions about it. She loved it and was super enthusiastic, which is just not something you get from Tech Support. I said at one point, "well we're new so it's hard to get it out there with such a small marketing budget." And she said, "Yeah, but it's such a big idea. You're leveling the playing field for people (who want to get into film)." So essentially it's bound to happen is what she finished with in so many words. It was a good boost - one I surely needed today.

We're still having issues with some people being confused with how to link their blog (Please let me know if you have any suggestions!) and one of our members is still getting this mysterious error that's prohibiting her from voting, but Tony (our web guy) can't reproduce the problem so I don't know what the hell is going on there.

I have so much more to write but it's getting to be midnight.. and I want to post a few things from the Chicago trip I just got back from... Enjoy!

CHOCOLATE MOJO Video (blog4reel blogger)

2008-04-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

Viva Fiesta!

2008-04-20T17:04:00.001-07:00

It's back! San Antonio's biggest celebration of the year - Fiesta! We are in like the 30th year of this 10-day party binge. It's fabulous, annoying, crazy and expensive. I love and loathe it equally each year. It has spawned some of the funnest parties - WEBB PARTY - and the funniest skits - Cornyation and the best damn food you'll ever eat - special thanks to the hatted man at the WEBB party that gave me bacon-wrapped chicken, cheese & jalepeno chunks of heaven by the 2's. I would mention your restaurant but I'm afraid I can't remember it in my margarita haze. It's bound to happen during fiesta. We saw Agosto out in this melee - our infamous Jive Refried blogger who may or may not be seeing Heidi soon. We saw be-feathered men and women, wearing little else. We saw things that one should never see and one's you should never miss. I'm sad I forgot to bring my cascarones - confetti-filled eggs that are a tradition here - you crack them over someone's head and they can't get pissed, cause it's good luck. At least that's what we say.
Things to come: NIOSA (night in old (or ole, I'm not sure) San Antonio) i.e. food fest #40 for Fiesta and Cornyation - the final show - on Thursday. I'm excited. And I'm just praying I don't hit a drunk while leaving the office, which is near downtown and all the festivities. They're crazy, I tell you, like party-filled zombies drunk on the blood of Patron factory employees. I don't know what I'm saying.

On to you bloggers. If anyone's reading this, what's the deal with not putting the necessary voting link on your blog? You can't win if people can't vote for you. And people can't vote for you if you don't have the voting link on your blog. So.... we have a problem. Let me know how I can clarify it.

In the meantime.... H-A-P-P-Y F-I-E-S-T-A!

P.S. Congrats to Big Black and his baby girl. What a shocker!
p.S.S. I love the song, "Apologize" by One Republic (not Timbaland as he'd have u believe!) I've heard it about 50 times in the last 24 hrs. They used to call me Repeat 4 a reason...

BLOGWAR!

2008-04-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

So I'm going about doing my usual blog4reel promo work.. letting bloggers know about us when I run across this Christian blogger lashing out at Eckhart Tolle and a bunch of other beautifully enlightened authors (in my opinion) just because they're classified as New Age. Christians hear that word and start frothing out the mouth. I know. I used to be one. It incensed me, I'll be honest. I couldn't help but leave a long message for the misguided woman. What really got me is she claimed to want truth. Interestingly enough, the more I learn about the history, the facts of christianity, the more I discover that so much of what I was taught as a child is absolutely NOT true. I heard recently that there is no mention of jesus in any other writings in history during the time of jesus' supposed life (besides the bible, of course). I mean isn't that strange to you? If there's some guy going around walking on water, multiplying food, raising the dead, don't you imagine someone might have mentioned him? I mean Britney Speers shaves her head - a feat to be sure - and the entire world knows about it. My friend told me I'm going to start a BLOGWAR. Maybe, just maybe, but that might be kinda fun! :)

So anyway, here's the post I left. Too harsh or tough love?

"If you are truly interested in hard-edged things such as “truth,” then perhaps you should read some books that maybe have facts that you are not yet aware of. There are some interesting essays in "You are Being Lied to (http://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Being-Lied-Disinformation/dp/0966410076) about jesus and religion. Having been raised Christian, it took me years to extricate myself from the willful ignorance that religion instills. It's hard to imagine that God as you know it may not be the judgmental, control-freak that Christians believe. Imagine God as a completely neutral presence who creates for you, and each of us individually, the reality we believe. I mean it's no more far-fetched that Jesus riding in on clouds of white to save us all from the antichrist, don't you think? And let's face it, if that did happen, our christian-based gov't would shoot him down with a missile before he had a chance to say 'hallelujah'. My point being don't talk down about things you haven't read, experienced or understood. Maybe we should all just let each other believe whatever it is we want to. Judgement is the anti-thesis of what Jesus really represents anyway. Why don't Christians get that???"

SHUNYATA

2008-04-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

This is my new word. According to my Osho Zen Tarot book, SHUNYATA means no-thingness. Not Nothingness. What's the difference? No-thingness is not just nothing, it is all. It is vibrant with ALL possibilities. It is potential, absolute potential. It is unmanifest yet, but it contains all.

Beautiful word; beautiful concept. It goes on to say that, "In the beginning is nature, in the end is nature, so why in the middle do you make so much fuss? Why, in the middle, becoming so worried, so anxious, so ambitious - why create such despair?
No-thingness to No-thingness is the whole journey."

Why do we make such a fuss? So when I get stressed or caught up in stupid drama I'm going to use Shunyata as my new mantra to remind me. I'll let you know if it works!

I watched the 3rd Lord of the Rings last night, again. I've probably seen it 3 or 4 times. What I love about it besides the grand scope of it - peter jackson's amazing vision, the characters, and of course Tolkien's gorgeous imagination - every time I watch it I get something new out of it. Last night it was when Gandolf said, "it's the deep breath before the plunge," about the silence before all hell breaks loose.

Don't know really why it struck me except for that i feel like I'm waiting, I've been waiting for a long time for things to change. And maybe it's about to...

ELEPHANTS ROCK!

2008-04-09T11:53:00.000-07:00

This is a link to a video of an elephant painting. I highly suggest watching the real time version and not sped up.

If this doesn't make u smile, I don't know what will....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LHoyB81LnE

And if you're into elephants as much as I am.. check this series out -
http://www.elephantdiaries.org/

I laughed. I cried. I almost booked a flight to Africa.

WEEK 1

2008-04-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

Well we made it through week one of voting with minimal bumps and bruises... well less for me than for Tony, our website guru. Still ironing out the kinks from the site. I don't know if I've mentioned it before but our first web guy quit on us about halfway through. To come in on a site as complicated as this one halfway through is really not a picnic for anyone. I'm thankful we haven't gotten too many complaints - seems only a few people have had trouble and we've worked them out.

The last several days have been crazy ups and downs and it's a reminder that no matter what tornadic (is that a word?) mess is swirling around you that if you stay calm and centered, it will pass. I haven't quite mastered this but it gets easier every time. I think.

Some good news for the site is that I just got an email from Grayson Thagard
who does a show on CNN called "News to Me". I think it's a new show. Anyway, he somehow found out about b4r and was intrigued by it. I was so excited yesterday. Please Grayson, please! Tell the world about us! I will give you my first born, and by first born I mean a chihuahua.

In any case... life never ceases to be interesting, exhausting and surprising.

The cutest thing ever!

2008-04-06T17:21:00.001-07:00

Appropre

2008-04-06T17:08:00.000-07:00

I ran across a good quote:

"Latent in every man is a venom of amazing bitterness, a black resentment; something that curses and loathes life, a feeling of being trapped, of having trusted and been fooled, of being the helpless prey of impotent rage, blind surrender, the victim of a savage, ruthless power that gives and takes away, enlists a man, and crowning injury inflicts upon him the humiliation of feeling sorry for himself."

Valery, Paul
1871-1945 French Poet Essayist

If a Machine Breaks down in the Forest... who's gonna fix it?

2008-04-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

So you know it's great being grassroots and all in theory... it goes right along with my hippie mentality but when you get to the brass tacks as they used to say, if you're not part of the machine you get eaten up by the machine. I don't know if anyone's really ever said this but it occurred to me just now. I mean even if what you're doing is the coolest fu**ing thing out there, the most heroic, the most graceful, most fun thing in the universe and cheaper than a gallon of gas, if nobody knows about you... you're like that tree falling in the forest all alone.

I am that tree.

But not really. I know I'm surrounded by amazing, talented, generous, creative, genius-like (I don't want to be presumptuous here) people all the time. I don't mean to take that for granted. But having no budget for advertising can be a little frustrating... sorry I'm just venting. That's what blogs are for, right?

But I do have a plan. I just watched the last Bill Maher episode on HBO. Great show, btw. I love Bill! Anyway, so John Cussack was on and I also do, faint, love John Cussack. I've read a blog he did for the Huffington Post. He's super political and proactive. I'm taking a long-shot and inviting him to be a Blogstar. I will send him flowers and anti-Bush t-shirts and he will love Blog4Reel.
So that's my plan. John Cussack will be a Blogstar. He'll stand on top of a mountain with a boom box playing my favorite Peter Gabriel song and he'll shout out the name, Blog4Reel. And the whole world will hear because he's JC. Accept it, John. And you too, America. I hope nobody's reading this. But if you are...

What do you think?

Any suggestions on no-budget promotion? I'm trying to post on any/every sight I can like Digg.com, etc. If you know of any, i'd appreciate the head's up! You can leave me a comment on the "comments" link on blog4reel.

Oh and Voting started this week! Very exciting. It's like watching a horse race... only not quite that fast.

Good luck peeps!

One tidbit... Agosto of the Jive Refried blog is in Chicago today trying out for Project Runway.. he made it in the top 20 last year. I'm dying to know what happened today! If you haven't checked his blog, check it out on the homepage under blogstars. I'm pretty sure he's one of the geniuses.

"What the...?!"

2008-03-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

Purely by accident, I took this shot before I realized squirrel love was alive and well in San Antonio. Sorry Squirrels.

Breakdowns and Breakthru's

2008-03-22T16:56:00.000-07:00

Seem to have been having communication break-downs lately. I guess that's par for the course when working with anyone else besides our self, although even that sometimes. Let's face it, nobody's perfect. Sometimes I wonder how ingrained the DO DO DO mentality is in the American psyche. I bet we don't really even know - like sexism or other isms.

Breakdowns got me thinking about Breakthru's. According to the osho(.com) card, BREAKTHROUGH - "it is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough...
"The dawn is not far away, but before you can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker."

I am always looking for the dawn.

Ping Pong Paddlewack!

2008-03-22T16:48:00.000-07:00

In case anyone was wondering what I do for fun (yes, besides blog4reel!) We've turned my dining room table into a ping pong table. Anyway, ping pong is awesome, or it's sick, as the youngers say:

DISGUSTING!

2008-03-19T12:54:00.001-07:00

Have you seen this? It's the most flagrant example of greed in our country I think I've ever heard (well besides our government). And I hope the companies will be held liable:

By ADAM GOLDMAN,AP
Posted: 2008-03-19 12:25:49

NEW YORK (March 19) - The mastermind of a scheme to plunder corpses from funeral homes and sell them for millions of dollars pleaded guilty in a deal that could send him to prison for the next five decades.
He talked about how he forged records, including the times of death and the ages of the dead, while also telling the judge he switched blood and tissue samples.

"What he did was wrong," said his defense lawyer, Mario Galluci. "I feel horrible for the victims in this case. There is no excuse for what he did."

Prosecutor Josh Hanshaft said Mastromarino "mutilated the bodies for greed."

Mastromarino was the owner of Biomedical Tissue Services, a New Jersey company that shipped bones, skin and tendons to tissue processors such as Regeneration Technologies Inc., LifeCell Corp. and Tutogen Medical Inc. The bodies came from funeral homes in New York, Pennsylvania and New Jersey, and about 10,000 people received tissue supplied by BTS.

Those companies face hundreds of civil lawsuits from people who received the tissue in transplants and from the families of loved ones who had their body parts taken without permission.

Prosecutors said Mastromarino's actions posed a "grave risk" to transplant recipients, and that he showed a "depraved indifference" by shipping body parts that came from people with cancer or other diseases.

Mastromarino reached the plea deal earlier this year, but it nearly fell apart as prosecutors decided they wanted a trial. A judge nixed that plan, however.

Mastromarino will plead guilty to related charges in Philadelphia, lawyer A. Charles Peruto Jr. said Tuesday. The plea will likely come April 4, his scheduled trial date.

Others charged in the BTS case are Chris Aldorasi, Joseph Nicelli and Lee Cruceta. Aldorasi, a cutter, is on trial in Brooklyn. Cruceta has pleaded guilty, and Nicelli, who suffered a head injury, has been removed from the case until he recovers.

During a news conference, Galluci said the companies that accepted those parts should be prosecuted. He said they pressured his client to get more bodies and didn't ask any questions.

Rough Night

2008-03-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

So just when i was getting excited about the increase of blog4reel members... one of our members had a FREAK OUT and decided to cancel his account. So I was up till almost 2 am dealing with that. Whoever said doing anything that involves more than 2 people is easy is fu**ed in the head. I'm not saying there are people who say that.. but I do have suspicions. Oh, well. Par for the course. I have to understand that no body on here knows me.. knows my integrity... knows that our intentions are good and fair and creative and fun... like Buddha meets Steven Spielberg (hope I spelled that right). I have to learn to let things go... or i'm going to lose all my hair in the process. And that would not be pretty.

I found something cool today though.... check it out.. it's a revolutionary film project (just like Blog4Reel!)

http://aswarmofangels.com/

I got this in the mail from a family member...

2008-03-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

Just Something I Wrote...

2008-03-13T15:59:00.000-07:00

Like a child

Learning

To

Love

To trust
To feel
To believe
To move
And walk
And speak
And express yourself
And build things
Build relationships
And houses
And beauty

Until a time

Someone may draw you a picture

That doesn’t look like yours

And for a minute you’re distracted by its ugliness

And forget your own creation

Remember to bring yours back
And revel in it
And explore in it
Expound with it
Explode with it

Remember.

You may not get what you expected
But in the end you’ll get what you believed you would.

Comments and Mammoths or Mammoth Comments

2008-03-10T13:20:00.001-07:00

For any of you who might read this blog, do me a HUGE favor and leave comments on the blog4reel site comment link (right underneath my blog on Blogstars strip). I'll probably notice it quicker than the ones on my blog. I just realized there were comments.. and I feel terrible for my delayed replies. Although I am ecstatic that I had comments. So THANK you.

One thing that's come up which I need to address is people's concern that we are going to do unacceptable, filthy rotten things with their blogs, like stealing them or something along those lines. Lawyers write legalize to encompass any possible thing that could come up but let me allay any concerns. We are a legitimate competition and our goal is to discover new beautiful interesting stories. Our goal is to bring these stories to the silver screen, the computer screen, any screen we can find. We want blog4reel to be successful for all involved and we want to do it fairly for all. I will go back and double-check to make sure the rules and regs are cool. But in the meantime, you have my word as a co-creator of blog4reel that nothing will be done to or with someone's blog without their permission or written contract. Thanks for your understanding!

Alright on to more interesting things like film... we saw 10,000 BC over the weekend and I have to say I was sorely disappointed. The story seemed weak and well, a bit confusing. How did they get from snowy-capped mountains (that looked like Taiwan) to the rolling sands of what looked like Egypt? And who were these alien-like draped "gods". They left too many things open for my taste and the ending was a quick fix - again poor story-telling. But I loved the CGI of the mammoths and the saber-toothed tiger and, ok, maybe the lead was a bit of a hottie. I think he's new on the scene and someone worth following. He had a capacity for conveying authentic humor that i enjoyed.

Cable left the house today. Sad. No more addicting reality-tv for me. I guess it's a good thing, but still... goodbye Diddy, goodbye Lauren and Brody, goodbye crazy peeps on just about any and all of these shows. I suppose I'll have to start creating my own drama again. Hmmmm.... something to think about.

Quote of the Day

2008-03-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

"Hand me the worms." - Frank Rodriguez

It's just not a sentence you hear very often, so I had to post it cause when I heard it it made me laugh.

Blog4Reel Update

2008-03-07T15:03:00.000-08:00

Yes! Yes! Yes! Blog4reel has two Bloggers so far! I feel like a proud parent whose just birthed two babies, not exactly twins but one fairly quickly after the other.. so more like fraternal twins. I am SO excited!!!

The labkids and I are doing all we can to spread the word. I sent out posters to colleges and contacted all the Film Commissions in the country and am working on my film festivals list. We're posting posters all over Austin during SXSW which should be good. Because we can't really afford to have a booth at SXSW (they're $700) they recommended I contact this guy named Fritz who evidently rollerblades around the city putting up posters. Helpful service but he's a super grumpy guy. I hope he doesn't read this but it's true. I, the customer, felt compelled to apologize for taking up his precious time and asking him questions because of how curt he was with me. But I persevered without calling him names and thus Blog4Reel will (hopefully) be the talk of the town thanks to mr. rollerblade himself. Gracias Fritz!

Let's see, what else. I'm am going to singularly let every blogger on the web know about us and the competition. That should take some time. Just a little. :) I really want to take some time out to write this weekend though. I realized the other day that I really do miss writing (fiction). I've started a script based on a short story I wrote called Carnivorous Knowledge (great title, huh?! I luv it). It's going to be a vampire story. I've been spending so much time on B4R that I really haven't had the space to get into a creative writing mood. I need to try though.

I mean I realize that eventually this whole planet will disintegrate, along with every story I've ever written but the pure joy of writing is enough, I guess. Plus, I wonder if these things we think of... these creations, these stories, ideas, fantasies... all these things... if somewhere in the universe they are born because we took the time to create them in our minds. I wonder...

Thanks to my two bloggers! I wish you luck! Happy Friday. I'm off to Margaritaville!

Cloned Meat Polling Results

2008-03-07T14:58:00.000-08:00

I am happy to say my experiment with polling was a success... not a huge success, but a success nonetheless.

100% of people said they would NOT eat CLONED MEAT. Granted only 5 people voted, but still.

The poll confirmed my suspicion that people do not want to eat that crap. I mean not that I know for sure that it's crap but it is suspicious and I think that's really the point.

I'm going to do another poll once I decide what to do... I'll think about it. If you have suggestions, leave a comment on the blog4reel blogstar comments link.

Polling is my new thing. I feel like CNN, only smarter.

ACCEPTED

2008-02-24T13:15:00.000-08:00

Home sick today. Can barely breathe as both lungs have been propelled from my body by racking coughs but I am thankful for one thing. Cable TV. I've been watching bits and pieces of movies all day... Hollywoodland was interesting. I never knew much about the late great Superman. What I know now seems kind of sad. I then switched over to Accepted with Justin Long.. who is a superQT and Lewis Black is, as always, hysterical. Although technically a comedy this one too made me sad. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's about this group of kids who form their own "pretend" college because they can't get accepted anywhere else. Their desperate scheme turns into something of an innovation - students become teachers, students have a say in what they want to learn - tests and scores aren't the only things that matter, passion and creativity are the primary objectives. It's inspiring really except that, well, it's only a movie. And it got me thinking, and frankly somewhat depressed, when I realized that I've been so much more inspired in my life recently by film, by fiction and that although in its own right it's a beautiful thing, there's something wrong with the fact that real life rarely seems to offer the same inspiration or possibilities. A college that really cares about the creative minds of its students shouldn't be fictitious. A government that encourages independence and creativity and free-thought instead of cookie-cutter humanoids who blithely go about their days working the same soul-stripping monotonous jobs and then numbing themselves out on their time off while the gov't lines and relines its pockets with greenbacks.
Why can't a man like Robin Williams be president; why can't we say F**k you to a ridiculous job and go out and discover our own truths apart from labels and other people's expectations? Where is our quest, where is our adventure that doesn't fit so neatly between 9-5? Why do leaders of foreign countries think that Britney Spears is more important and more influential than our own president? Well, that one's simple. Because she's on the cover of every paper and magazine in the country. Isn't there something just a bit strange about the fact that we idolize, we crave celebrities, actors, Hollywood - all these things that aren't even real more than our own lives? Everyone wants so badly to be what they're not that we have a whole industry - a billion dollar industry at that - based on it. DOESN'T ANYONE ELSE SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT? One of the first things I used to ask people when I met them was, "What's your dream?" Most of them didn't even have an answer. Maybe they forgot. Maybe they seemed to difficult to achieve. Maybe money and dreams just don't go together very well - like oil and chocolate syrup. I don't know. But I'm tired of it. I think we all deserve a dream and I think that dream should be much MUCH easier to achieve. It shouldn't depend on how rich your parents were, whether you could afford to go to an ivy league school or whether you have a 4.0. We should ALL be able to have and create whatever we want in our world. I still believe that's possible (somewhere deep deep down beneath all the apathetic cynicism). If we believe it; if we pursue it with passion; if we help each other out. I have friends who can't conceive of a world without war. Why not? I mean really it's as simple as everyone agreeing not to fight, right? Who's the asshole in a world full of peaceable people that still wants to shoot off his pistol? And why do we still have so many assholes? I wish I had a solution. All I have are more questions and possibly more delusions. After all, I am taking a lot of herbs for my cold, so don't mind me....

DUST SWEAT & BLOOD!

2008-02-19T20:09:00.001-08:00

Well, it looks like blog4reel is finally up, technically live, and I am surprisingly not a basket-case even though I've been having to deal with one problem after another with our new host, which at the moment, I'm not very happy with. But as I'm reserving judgment I'll avoid slamming them for the moment. True, I am wanting to stress a little but really I DON’T want to cause stress sucks - bad for the body, bad for the spirit - so I’m blogging about it. Josh’s blog reminded me the cathartic benefit of blogging. So I’m thinking blog4reel is so small… nothing comes from San Antonio except for the Spurs, of course. We don’t get recognized for our culture, our art. How will people respond? There’s so much out there.. but then I know you writer’s are a unique wonderful group of people and I believe that you’ll see the fun and the potential in this project. Plus it's just exhilarating to explore new territory.

I’ve been writing since I was probably 8 years old… I would write these not so elaborate journals – all about my crushes and new hello kitty pens; I would write poems about things that meant something to me, evidently – things like bubblegum. (Note: If I hadn’t lost that poem in the move from Washington to Texas, I promise I would have posted it for my friends’ amusement-slash-derision. Alas, no such luck!)
For the past several years all I’ve been writing is scripts. And because I wanted to bring one of them to life I decided I would make it on my own. At that same time, my friend in college sent me his blog. Blogwhat? I had no idea what he was talking about, but I was instantly sucked into his story, it was like reading a great novel, only it was real. I know this person. And it was a fun and beautiful thing to see this person’s life unfold. Naturally I wanted to blend all these loves of mine and blog4reel was born. Thanks again to Josh – now a blog4reel ‘blogstar’. I think you’re brilliant! And thanks to all the bloggers who are willing to share their lives and take risks. For you… I have a quote that always reminds me to take the path that requires the most courage:

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcomings, who knows the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows in the end the high achievement of triumph and who, at worst, if he fails while daring greatly, knows his place shall never be with those timid and cold souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

- Theodore Roosevelt

Cloning is Cool!

2008-02-05T21:45:00.000-08:00

That is if I can clone myself, like they did in that old Michael Keaton movie that I can't remember the name of at the moment. All I know is I'd be a happy camper if I could have at least a half a dozen work horse me's, one me for the bf, one me to write, one me to film, one Buddha-esque me to keep the other me's relaxed and at one with the universe and then I could chill on the beach and travel the world at my leisure. But alas, there is only one me and frankly that is probably enough for the world at large.

Cloning is not cool, however, on my dinner plate. Just sayin'...
I'm sure everyone's heard by now that the FDA has now approved cloned meat. My primary issue with it is that, as a consumer, I feel I have a right to know what I'm eating - I mean who the hell knows what's going to come of all this twenty years from now. I'd rather not be a guinea pig. What about you? I'm messing with the new polling feature - it's at the top of the page. Place your vote!

Off to bed... sweet dreams.

Media Mania Manipulations

2008-01-30T09:01:00.000-08:00

See, this is just what I was talking about in my last blog! There's an article today that I read on reality tv and reality programming, which makes up 20% of the line-up now. Unbelievable! Evidently, all the top 5 shows, according to Nielson's are reality shows. I'm shocked/unshocked simultaneously. But here's the kicker...

This is an exact excerpt from the article by Kedon Willis:

Ad execs are the new producers

Product placement is the big thing in TV advertising, and reality shows are the main vehicle. Leading the way is 'American Idol', whose sponsors spend millions to sew their products into the show -- which is why, for instance, the Coca-Cola brand on the cups at the judges' table faces the camera. "Reality TV is rife with it," says Mark Andrejevic, author of 'Reality TV: The Work of Being Watched.' It's "selling you something without trying, and it works." Advertisers spent $1.5 billion on product placement in 2006, according to PQ Media, a 58% increase from 2005. And double-digit growth is projected over the next five years.

Some advertisers even want to design whole shows around their products. Last fall, for example, MTV premiered 'The Gamekillers,' whose concept was developed by Bartle Bogle Hagarty, the agency that pushes Axe deodorant for Unilever PLC. The basis of the show was to see if male contestants could "keep their cool" under pressure -- while wearing Axe. Don't be surprised if you start seeing more of these ad-minded concepts, says Andrejevic. "This may be the direction marketing starts going."

If it weren't such a suck-ass idea, I probably wouldn't mind.
Regardless, Beware media manipulation... it's more insidious than we know.

And just to clarify, Blog4Reel will never participate in shady practices like what's going on now.. editing disparate clips together to make it seem like something it's not, a technique commonly used in reality tv called "Franken-biting". Nor will we mis-represent ourselves. The scripts we will be writing will be BASED on winning blogs. Obviously just like any movie based on a true story, some things will be changed to protect identities and create the flow of the story. However, I can't promise I won't allow select product placements for personal favorites like Abba Zaba and Sweetleaf Tea. You'll thank me, later! :)

Give me good movies or Give me DEATH!

2008-01-29T19:54:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking tonight how film used to really be more of an art form. I don't think that can be said so much anymore. I was flipping channels and paused on a reality show called Life of Ryan... the whole segment I watched was about this 17 year old kid, a professional skater, who already has several businesses in his name but he doesn't know what he's doing, everyone else is doing it for him. I was sitting there watching this kid who doesn't even have an ounce of business sense get richer and richer simply because people like me are pausing to watch this crap. It's kind of crazy. I mean back when I was little - growing up on films like Wizard of Oz and Gone With the Wind - films seemed so much more monumental - they inspired and stretched the mind and the heart. Nowadays, all films seem to do is deflate our wallets. Every film I've seen this past year has been a disappointment - some more than others. Cloverfield was a wretched disappointment - no suspense, boring character development. It's not even worth writing to complain about... so I'll stop. The only exception I'd have to say was Guillermo del Toro's "Pan's Labyrinth", which was stunning and magical, heart wrenching and thought-provoking. Guillermo is a true artist. I highly recommend watching the extras on the dvd. Even his color palette for the film had a purpose; nothing he did was random. How many of today's writers/directors/producers can say that?
It reminded me why this project - blog4reel - is so important to me. Because, gd!, I miss good stories! I want my movies back! I also briefly watched a few snippets of the SAG Awards and saw that Javier Bardem won for No Country For Old Men, which I feel he rightly deserved. His character was fascinating and the movie is worth watching solely for him; however, I still find there's a lack of purpose or heart even in our finest films these days. I'm not saying I want morality or prepackaged life lessons shoved down my throat but it'd be nice to leave the theater with a sense of having just witnessed something unique, something beautiful, something that made me want to go home and write or debate as opposed to feeling the urge to whack myself over the head until I forget what I saw or finally pass out. I'm just saying, it'd be nice.

Anyway, Blog4Reel should be up and running any day now! Thanks to the Labkids, who are helping us with the marketing, for all your amazingness.

Blog4Reel PROMO

2008-01-18T13:42:00.000-08:00

Well, technically there's a few other little things I'm still messing around with but the promo (to your left) is mostly done. I'm pretty happy with it. What do you think? Also, if you have a couple minutes check out the audio that we took of my friend, Frank Rodriguez, for the promo. I loved it so much I had to share! He cracks my shiz up. ;)

Excitement Builds

2008-01-17T11:40:00.001-08:00

Boring title but I have a bunch to do today so thought I wouldn't waste time trying to come up with an interesting title. sorry.

Good news is Tony, the web designer, thinks the website will be ready within a week. So the game plan right now is to 'soft launch' asap and officially launch approximately a month from that time. Whoohoo! I am beyond thrilled.

I've been working on a little blog4reel promo that we're intending to use, like on our myspace page, etc. It's almost done although I've been having some 'issues' with the stupid audio. I'm really just learning to use AVID so I hope those who watch the promo will not be too judgmental, as I am an avid baby. If anyone knows how to fade audio on avid, PLEASE let me know. :)

So besides that there's little excitement in this new year so far.. but I feel like we're gaining momentum.

I'll leave you with a quote I ran across today that I've saved and like very much.

"Love is more complicated than our culture categorizes it; Everybody is a universe."
– Ang Lee

Cofa-La in the HAUS

2008-01-02T21:16:00.000-08:00

This is the soon-to-be-famous artist, Eric Fonseca, who screened his stop-animation "Funeral March for a Marionette" that evening as well.

By the way, Eric also designed the logo for Blog4Reel. What do you think?

Oh, FYI - Eric is the one on the right. Well to be accurate the one on the left is an Eric also... but alas, not a Fonseca.

TOE Still

2008-01-02T21:11:00.000-08:00

This pic includes Susan, Joe, Tom and Dennis. Some of my favorite peeps in the World!

La Cast - TOE Screening

2008-01-02T21:07:00.000-08:00

I know I should have added this months ago with the others but I was having trouble with "resizing." So here we go. This one is most of the cast who made it to the screening. Thanks guys!

Delays for Days and Daze

2007-12-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

Are you getting antsy? I know I am... just when I think we're ready... we're not. Not that we're not trying just maybe there's not enough hours in the day for everyone to do the millions of things that need to be done. I imagine I am the singular human suffering from these delays. From a Buddhist perspective, I guess that's just silly. I got a book for christmas called "The Buddha Book" and according to it all suffering/disease originates from one (possibly all) of three poisonous delusions: ignorance, hatred, and attachment. Perhaps I am too attached? I need to just relax and move forward doing what can be done. And Be Patient!

Which reminds me - USA Today predicts that one of the newest trends for 2008 is 'delayed satisfaction'. I have a hard time buying it, especially when juxtaposed with traffic in the city. Nobody wants to wait for anything anymore, including myself. I chose to avoid shopping at the mall this year and dealing with the masses of self-entitled spoiled rotten little brats... and their children. Instead I shopped mainly online. Saved money, saved time, saved my sanity.
I don't know about everyone else, but for me 2008 is about movement and accomplishment. It's a time for breakthroughs and in some cases, breakouts. Agosto pointed out that the 8 on its side represents infinity. And let's face it, eight is a pretty damn good number. In fact, a winning number for me during my August trip to Vegas for my b-day. So I may have spent twice what I made till 8 hit on the roulette wheel but hit it finally did. I digress.

2008 also rhymes with great, which I find fortuitous. It's also the year Blog4Reel launches.. sometime this year... I promise, so I consider that auspicious or at least that's the intent.
I hope all of you out there, right now.. getting ready to ring in the New Year with champagne and kisses then possibly hangovers and breakups have the best year of your lives! Ever! Or at least till 2009.

Peace and Prosperity to All!

Joshy a.k.a. “JewDo Chop”

2007-12-18T22:04:00.000-08:00

Before I get angry e-mails from blog4reel members. Stop and let me explain. My friend Josh, who is Jewish, came up with the brilliant Wii Moniker you see in the title – not I. (If you don't know what a wii is please check out blog4reel q&a's. jk.. you'd have better luck with Wikipedia.) Interestingly enough, Josh's Wii bears a striking resemblance to the real thing… with the hat and the glasses and the beard too.

Anyway, I was reading Joshy’s blog when I realized I hadn’t explained my inspiration for blog4reel… that it was Josh’s blog… this blog that I started reading religiously – checking in like a soap opera – that ultimately led to blog4reel, which I feel really grateful to him for. And thank god now, with blog4reel, I’m too damnably busy to compulsively check in to see if he’s updated yet. But it’d been a while since I’ve read it so I checked it out this evening and laughed my butt off reading about his travails at Starbucks, because nobody, nobody but Josh can have travails like that at Starbucks. I love it. He’s brilliant and funny and sometimes, although I can turn on the waterworks pretty easily, he makes me tear up, because he reminds me of the beauty of being a human and that is such a precious gift to offer. I think his writings rival, if not surpass (not that I’m challenging anyone, of course), David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs (two of my favorites, I swear)!

Anyway, just thought I’d mention that… cause I thought you should know in case you wanted to check out his blog, which you most definitely should if you haven’t – I’m so happy he’s one of our BLOGSTARS. It’s called…”Almost Worth the Price of Admission.” Please just don’t give him a big head. He really does wear lots of hats. Thank you. :)